Tuesday, June 25, 2013

This is why I don't get stabby.

Truth: I've struggled with my weight all my life. 

I love cake with an unholy devotion and can carve an igloo out of a loaf of bread. I've never truly been happy with my body except when I was pregnant and finally had a perfectly round stomach deemed beautiful by most of society. So when I tell you that the best way I've found to take care of my entire person is to cut carbs and sugar out of my life, I mean it.

But you know what? I hate it and it sucks and carbs carbs gimme carbs sugarsplosion. So this is how I cope.

The pretty pictures on Pinterest call 'em Paleo Truffles, like cave men in adorable Bedrock patisseries served them up with a dusting of archaeopteryx dust. I call 'em Antimurderbunny Cups, because it's just enough fat and sugar to keep me from losing it and murdering everybody. And they're super easy.

4 ingredients:
* organic virgin unrefined coconut oil
* 100% real (and not Aunt Jemima) maple syrup
* unsweetened cocoa powder
* vanilla or mint extract

Super Easy 5 Minute Directions:

1. Melt 1/2c organic unrefined coconut oil and 2T 100% maple syrup. In warm months, I just put 'em both in the microwave for 40 seconds. In colder months, I do it over the stove on medium heat.

2. Whisk together until it doesn't look like a liquified alien fetus.

3. When warm and mixed, pull away from heat and add a dash of vanilla or mint extract and 1/2c unsweetened cocoa powder.

4. Whisk. WHISK, DAMN YOU. It'll look like smooth liquid chocolate, when it's ready.

5. Evenly pour into 10 cupcake cups. Keep 'em thin, like 1/4" or less.

6. Freeze.

7. Whenever you want to murder someone or can't stop thinking about cupcakes, crack in half and eat.

Yeah, I know it's nothing but fat. But you know what? It keeps me on track. And it's good fat that makes my skin and hair glow. The tiniest bit of sugar or wheat, and I'll totally crack on my diet. But these frozen cuppies nibbled at breakfast and throughout the day keep me from giving in to my cravings.

If you think the photo above is ugly (which it is), search Pinterest or Google for "Paleo cocoa cups". Some people add nut butter to 'em, but that just makes me go into Little Debbie Snarf Mode.


If you're vaguely interested in this concept, I highly recommend The Four Hour Body and The Four Hour Chef by Tim Ferriss. These books totally changed my life, helped me lose 15 pounds, and taught me how to roast a kickass chicken.


Marlies Anastasia said...

Must. Buy. Cocoa. Powder.

Anonymous said...

That 4 hour chef roast chicken is very special.

Carol McKenzie said...

Pretty sure I love you now...and I have all of that stuff in the kitchen (maple syrup has replaced sugar in my coffee).

I gave up sugar and carbs at the beginning of the year, lost 25 pounds and continually want to tear the heads off small animals. I finally discovered the maple syrup and the wildlife here is more or less safe now.

Melissa said...

As a person wanting to lose those last 100 pounds (no, that's not a typo), I guess I should look into kicking sugar and carbs to the curb. The problem? I am not a huge fan of meat. Ack. Any advice?

delilah s. dawson said...

Melissa, I don't know how this diet could possibly work without meat. :/ That being said, the 4-hour books taught me how to cook meat I actually *want* to eat, which was a big deal, as I've never liked my own cooking. Now I cook grassfed beef in a cast-iron skillet in the oven or do roasted chicken in the Dutch oven, and they're both amazing. The premise, as I understand it, is that your body makes sugar into fat, so if you eat only protein and veggies, your fat disintegrates. Even if you upped the beans, you'd still be pretty hungry. And you couldn't do enough eggs. Hmm.

I don't think it's ever a bad thing to quit processed foods/stuff in boxes, though. :) Good luck, honey!

Melissa said...

Thanks for replying, Delilah! My cooking skills could definitely need some help. My issue with meat is mostly fear of getting sick because it's not "done" enough. I'll have to check those books out. Thanks for the suggestions. And good luck not getting stabby.