me and Dr. Krog, mere moments before the riveting story told below
When I called to make reservations for our overnight trip, I signed us up for a wine tasting and asked for dinner reservations
"Which restaurant?" the clerk asked, as there are several on the property.
"Whichever one is the fanciest," I said. "We're celebrating a birthday and a ten-year anniversary, so I'm looking for super-duper extra fancy," and she nodded sagely (I imagine, since we were on the phone) and said, "Versailles." Which sounded fancy, so I booked it.
We were all dressed up, me in actual make-up and a short dress and teetering in whoa-high heels. As we walked from our hotel room down the hall, feeling extremely fancy, we were met by a Secret Service looking dude with an earpiece.
"There's a wedding going on," he whispered. "I'm going to need you to stay on this side of the hallway, by the windows, and try to stay out of sight."
Very well. Weddings are important. We quick-walked along the windows, catching a glimpse of an adorable ring bearer. As we rounded the corner, another guy with an earpiece intercepted us.
"There's a wedding," he whispered. You know, in case we hadn't noticed? "You're going to go around that corner, and then someone will escort you to the elevators."
Fine. We did that. We were ushered into the elevator, which had somehow been rigged not to make annoying PING noises. Another Secret Service dude met us when the door opened and sneaked us behind some columns and to the back entrance of the restaurant. Thus far, our super fancy meal had felt like getting sent to the principal's office. And that's when we discovered that the restaurant was in an open atrium shared by... the wedding. And we were the only people in the restaurant. And we were asked not to speak.
The waiter showed us to a table, and we stared at each other. The Bridal Chorus began. Our fanciest of fancy dinners was occurring in an open, brightly lit atrium where two people we didn't know were getting married about twenty feet away and we weren't allowed to speak.
"I can't do this," I whispered. "If I sneeze, I'm going to ruin their wedding video, and they'll get divorced, and it will be ALL MY FAULT," and then someone hissed SSSSHHHHH.
So we thanked the waiter, apologized for getting lipstick on the water glasses, and made a run for it. We ended up having our fancy, doubly celebratory dinner at an Irish pub, sitting on stools at the bar as people cheered for horse racing.
And you know what? It was awesome.
That's what ten years of a good marriage can do. No matter how badly your plans go awry, you can find a way to have fun. We wanted a truly indulgent, sumptuous meal with candlelight and champagne and romantic conversation. We got Kentucky Derby on the widescreen, cranberry margaritas, and greasy haddock with paper napkins.
And we had a fantastic time.
1. Before booking a wedding in a public place, make sure I won't be nearby sneezing or cackling.
2. Before booking a fancy dinner, be sure to read out the dictionary definition of the word "fancy" to make sure you and the restaurant are on the same page.
3. Before taking close-up photos, do something about your eyebrows, woman.
4. Go to a wine tasting after a weirdly WIN/FAIL meal, because everything seems awesomer after 6 glasses of wine.