Why am I barely contained by this random prom dress?
It's because of what happened to me yesterday morning while thrifting for Steampunk Queen of Hearts costume pieces. Here's the conversation as I recorded it on Facebook:
cashier at Goodwill: Is this for you? (holds up red prom dress)
cashier: You... know it's a Juniors 5, right?
cashier: *stares me up and down*
me: I'm deconstructing it, but thanks for the snark.
cashier: I don't know what that means.
And people seemed to find that very annoying/hilarious. So I put on the dress for revenge!
Of course, my main revenge was on safety pins, as I busted two and will never actually show up to Goodwill to pull a Pretty Woman on said cashier, as suggested by my friends, because the dress would probably pop off at a very inopportune time, because my ribcage is freaking huge.
In any case, yesterday was a great day for thrifting and conversations.
For example, here's what happened at Barnes & Noble:
me: Can I sign these?
B&N guy: Huh?
me: I'm the author, and your manager said I could stop by anytime to sign stock. But wouldn't it
be hilarious if I was totally making it up?
B&N guy: Wait, what?
me: Too late! You can't erase Sharpie!
B&N guy: You're... joking, right?
me: LIKE A HEART ATTACK.
And lastly, here's a conversation that happened between t.rex and me:
t.rex: HERE'S DIS CROSS I MADE AT SCHOOL. DEY KILT CHEESE-ITS WIT IT.
me: You mean Jesus?
t.rex: YEAH I MEAN CHEESE-ITS.
me: Tell me more.
t.rex: DEY HIT HIM WIT DIS CROSS AND HE DIED.
me: That's not actually true. They nailed his hands and feet to it, and he died.
t.rex: AND DEN DEY CUT OFF HIS ARMS AND ONE UB HIS LEGS.
me: That didn't happen.
t.rex: AND DEN HE GOT A CANE AND HIT DEM AND KILLED DEM.
me: Pretty sure Jesus never killed anyone. He's... kind of into the opposite of that.
t.rex: NO HE DID. HE GREWED BACK HIS ARMS AND LEGS AND GOT CANNONS FOR HANDS AND KILT EBERYBODY.
me: Are you confusing Jesus with Iron Man?
t.rex: UH. MAYBE.
me: Jesus died on the cross. Iron Man has hand cannons and beats people.
t.rex: DEY SAID AT MY SCHOOL DAT CHEESE-ITS CAME BACK TO LIFE.
me: That's what they say.
t.rex: AND I TOLD DEM ABOUT HIS HAND CANNONS.
me: I bet that was magical.
t.rex: YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.