Wednesday, April 11, 2012

on prom dresses and cheese-its: two tales of REVENGE


Why am I barely contained by this random prom dress?

It's because of what happened to me yesterday morning while thrifting for Steampunk Queen of Hearts costume pieces. Here's the conversation as I recorded it on Facebook:

cashier at Goodwill: Is this for you? (holds up red prom dress)

me: Yep.

cashier: You... know it's a Juniors 5, right?

me: Yep.

cashier: *stares me up and down*

me: I'm deconstructing it, but thanks for the snark.

cashier: I don't know what that means.

me: *stares*

*

And people seemed to find that very annoying/hilarious. So I put on the dress for revenge!

Of course, my main revenge was on safety pins, as I busted two and will never actually show up to Goodwill to pull a Pretty Woman on said cashier, as suggested by my friends, because the dress would probably pop off at a very inopportune time, because my ribcage is freaking huge.

*

In any case, yesterday was a great day for thrifting and conversations.

For example, here's what happened at Barnes & Noble:

me: Can I sign these?

B&N guy: Huh?

me: I'm the author, and your manager said I could stop by anytime to sign stock. But wouldn't it
be hilarious if I was totally making it up?

B&N guy: Wait, what?

me: Too late! You can't erase Sharpie!

B&N guy: You're... joking, right?

me: LIKE A HEART ATTACK.

*

And lastly, here's a conversation that happened between t.rex and me:

t.rex: HERE'S DIS CROSS I MADE AT SCHOOL. DEY KILT CHEESE-ITS WIT IT.

me: You mean Jesus?

t.rex: YEAH I MEAN CHEESE-ITS.

me: Tell me more.

t.rex: DEY HIT HIM WIT DIS CROSS AND HE DIED.

me: That's not actually true. They nailed his hands and feet to it, and he died.

t.rex: AND DEN DEY CUT OFF HIS ARMS AND ONE UB HIS LEGS.

me: That didn't happen.

t.rex: AND DEN HE GOT A CANE AND HIT DEM AND KILLED DEM.

me: Pretty sure Jesus never killed anyone. He's... kind of into the opposite of that.

t.rex: NO HE DID. HE GREWED BACK HIS ARMS AND LEGS AND GOT CANNONS FOR HANDS AND KILT EBERYBODY.

me: Are you confusing Jesus with Iron Man?

t.rex: UH. MAYBE.

me: Jesus died on the cross. Iron Man has hand cannons and beats people.

t.rex: DEY SAID AT MY SCHOOL DAT CHEESE-ITS CAME BACK TO LIFE.

me: That's what they say.

t.rex: AND I TOLD DEM ABOUT HIS HAND CANNONS.

me: I bet that was magical.

t.rex: YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

*

10 comments:

Pinafores and Pinwheels said...

I can totally picture that...loving that he still says cheese-its!

Lexi said...

Oh Delilah you crack me up! I can just picture the Barnes & Noble clerk freaking out =)
And nicely done in the old prom dress!

Tny8 said...

Good lord he needs a Sh*t T-Rex Said. I love it!

EttyOop said...

I seriously love your son.

Also? you are rockin' that dress so screw them!

Also also? Going to a local BN tomorrow... will scout out the paranormal romance section for any AWESOME new releases *coughcough*

delilah s. dawson said...

You guys are the sweetest people ever. As soon as the new corset gets here, the scissors and sewing machine will be fired up, and THE DESTRUCTION WILL BEGIN. <3

kira brady said...

Awesome. Just...awesome.

Jewels said...

First - lol. I can't wait to see what his grown up conversations are like.

Second - TRex needs his own show. It would be way more entertaining then what is on tv right now.

Third - You would think in a book store the associates would be smarter than a 5th grader.

And also - I'm halfway through the book and I'm in love with it. I'm trying to read it slow to savor it but I can't seem to stop reading it.

Spotted Sparrow said...

Hahaha, epic wind up of B&N employees.

Your son has found Cheesus!

amber d* said...

Bahaha! Your son is awesome!

Elizabeth Poole said...

OMG Steampunk Queen of Hearts I literally cannot wait!

And by literally, I mean figuratively, but with extra emphasis because obviously I have to wait, and now there's a lot of adverbs in that sentence...

I'm loving Cheese-its with hand cannons...