Wednesday, February 15, 2012

on dialing it to 11

I used to have this ritual.

Every evening, just after dark, I would go upstairs. I took off my boots, put on ridiculous pajama pants, twirled my hair up in a bun, and took out my contacts. And then it was time to relax.

As soon as I switched from contacts to glasses, the world went from sharp and alert to dull, comfortable, and safe. It was like being wrapped in a cocoon, a blanket. With my glasses on, I had a limited sphere of vision. The edges were blurry, and it signaled my brain to chill out and go to sleep. I've been wearing contacts since I was 15, and I can't even remember much about life before then.

But now!

Now, after Lasik, everything is different.

My vision is perfect, sharp, clear. All day long, whatever I'm doing, I can see. Every evening, I find myself standing in the place where my contact lens case used to be, feeling like there's something important I need to do.

Every day now, at least ten times a day, I think, "OMG, I need to take out my contacts before they disappear under my eyelids and I have to pry them out with chopsticks!"

And that part of my life is gone.

Which is awesome and amazing and miraculous, don't get me wrong.

But it's really freaking weird.

My world is dialed up to 11 constantly now. I can't turn my brain off. I feel... superhuman. Like, you think of how awesome it is that Superman can fly and is super strong, but he probably jerks doorknobs off of doors and breaks people's ribs when he hugs them. Once you make a permanent change like this, no matter how wonderful it is and no matter how it improves your life, you have to alter your way of thinking.

Which, personally, I dig. I want my brain to stay active and constantly making new connections. So although, in a sense, I've lost a source of comfort, I'm excited to know that the world is full of new possibilities.

As Oscar Wilde said, "To be on the alert is to live; to be lulled into security is to die."

Here's to being more alive.

And to hopefully developing X-ray vision and other useful superpowers.


1 comment:

Carrie said...

perhaps blurring spectacles for those moments when you really need a break from all that awesome seeing?