Wednesday, September 28, 2011

the magic word

The magic word?

It's not please.

Nope.

If you want me to buy something, just use one word.

TREAT.

I realized today that I'll buy almost anything if the product name includes the word TREAT. I absolutely love treating myself. I would buy a can of zombie-virus-infected human brains if they were labeled NUMMYLICIOUS CAN O' TREATS.

For example, there's a hair product by Revlon called SMOOTH DOWN BUTTER TREAT.

And I am SO ALL OVER THAT.

Smooth? I WANT SMOOTH HAIR.
Butter? I ADORE BUTTER.
Treat? YES, PLEASE TREAT ME.

I love the name so much that I've bought the stuff three times and never finished a bottle, mainly because it's not a very good product, or at the very least, it doesn't work for my hair, which is THE EASIEST HAIR ON EARTH.

I just love the idea of giving myself a smooth butter treat.

This marketing pitfall of mine came to mind today when someone I followed on Twitter immediately sent me a Direct Message asking me straight up to buy their book.

Not HI! or THANKS FOR FOLLOWING ME! or YOU SEEM COOL! Just BUY MY BOOK.

In my list of turn offs, I would put this sort of aggressive marketing right next to cigarette smoking and being a fan of Albert Brooks. Even if I was interested in the book, and even if they were a good writer, I wouldn't buy their book on principle alone. It's just a horrible way to treat people who follow you. Social media, Twitter especially, is about relationships, not PAY ME NOW, STRANGER.

And I thought to myself, "Is there anything someone could write in a Direct Message that would get me to buy whatever they were shilling?"

And my answer was, "YES, IT COULD BE CALLED NUMMY BOOK O' TREATS."

So, in conclusion, please don't send me DMs asking me to buy your crap, and if you do, make sure it involves the word TREAT.

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Anybody else have a magic word?

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