Friday, July 1, 2011

THE RANDOM NOTEBOOK OF RANDOMNESS

I found an old notebook last week.

I thought it was blank, but inside, randomly sprinkled, I found little drawings and stories about interesting things that I saw back in 2005. In between the flash on my camera and the weird sheen on the paper, I can't seem to capture them.

But I thought they should be shared with the world.


*

Today at my favorite sushi restaurant, I left one piece of sushi on my plate next to the miso soup. When Johnny picked it up, he asked me if there was a problem with the food, since I'd never left sushi behind before.

I answered, "No, I just didn't want the soup to be lonely."

And then I figured I should rethink portion sizes.

*

Today I saw a grandmother point to an orangutan
and say to a young child on a leash,
"Look at that orange goriller."
She was standing in front of a sign reading
ORANGUTANS.

I weep for the youth of tomorrow.

*

Driving to work isn't so bad when you're behind a Beetle
with an "I <3 My Weiner" bumper sticker.

*

Today I saw a skeletal tree dissolve into smoke.
At least I think I did.
It was like I'd missed Moses by 5 minutes.

*

And thus concludes the dream in which Andy Kim, the coward,
stole my rutabagas and took off in his biplane
without giving me a ride, leaving me to grieve
in my red and green replacement oompah loompah costume.

It was a weird dream.

*

Today I saw a honeybear party.

*

I am woman enough to wear pink, dammit.

*

Today I realized that I like things
in the following order:

1. Selecting items to purchase online.

2. Receiving purchases in the mail.

3. Owning stuff.


I need to work on that.

*

Ad in Creative Loafing:

WANTED:
TEACHERS
AND
TUDORS

...is that supposed to be a test?


*

Today they replaced two light bulbs over my cube.
I had no idea until that moment that I was sitting in the dark.

I have to get out of here.

*

I AM A NINJA.

*

Pretty poignant, eh?

Life's better now, even if I'm not living in a public park with deer in the backyard.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're a ninja? I didn't know that! I've known you since 10th grade. When did you become a ninja? Ninth grade?

verification word: dofus.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Little known fact: I became a ninja in 2005, right before I ruined it all by having children.

Anonymous said...

I never thought you had the chops to be a karate expert. (If you steal this joke, please DO NOT credit me.)

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Judon't know what you're talking about.