Ah, the Fourth of July.
I have two problems with this holiday.
1. Way too hot.
2. Cake not mandatory.
But the problems are canceled out by awesomeness in the form of a hilarious local parade, a delicious dinner, and hanging out with friends under an umbrella in the rain, trying to throw damp M&M's down each other's shirts.
Oh, and the fact that I brought cake anyway.
But not just any cake.
Sure, I could have made a flag cake or patriotic cupcakes.
But I wanted to honor all that is best about the Fourth of July.
That's why I bought a vanilla buttercream cake at Publix and decorated it myself.
With THE PLAGUE TROLLEY.
What, you don't have a Plague Trolley?
See, we live in a sort of smallish town by the much larger town where I grew up. And in our smallish town, we have an adorable downtown and lots of people with very urgent views about religion and politics and other things that I mostly ignore. And these people sign up to be in our Fourth of July parade so they can hand out fliers.
But the best part are the beautifully painted trolleys that one of the local churches keeps for ferrying people around. First there's the Noah's Ark trolley, painted with colorful animals and bright blue water and a big brown boat. Lots of people ride on the Noah's Ark trolley, beaning my kids in the head with Tootsie Rolls.
But after the Noah's Ark trolley comes another trolley painted in the same style. But only two or three people ride on this trolley, and they don't look happy, because it's THE PLAGUE TROLLEY. It's painted with pyramids, Moses parting the Red Sea, and a vibrant depiction of THE 10 PLAGUES OF EGYPT. Asps, frogs, locusts, flies, hail, even a dude with bright red boils. It's all there to enjoy during the parade.
All the kids love the Plague Trolley.
We just don't let them eat the plague candy.
So I purchased a PLAGUE CAKE and drew the PLAGUE TROLLEY on it in icing, because everyone knows that PLAGUES ARE DELICIOUS.
It was awesome.
Until the flies started showing up and the lightning started flashing. Then it got kind of Amityville Horror.
Still, I think it's an outstanding way to celebrate freedom.