Monday, July 18, 2011

levity in the form of tiny people




biscuit: Mommy, who is Autobot Bismarck?

me: I think you mean OTTO VON Bismarck.

biscuit: And I think *you're* thinking about somebody else.

me: Touché.

*

biscuit: There was an ant eating a frozen blueberry, and then another zombie ant showed up, and he thought the blueberry was the other ant's brain, so he ate it. HA!

me: How interesting.

biscuit: Also, here's a snowman.

*

biscuit: 3-2-1 BLASTOFF!!!!

t.rex: 3-4-5 BLASTAWAY BALLS!!!!!

biscuit: Oh, brother. You are so wrong all the time.

*

biscuit: Mommy, do you remember what it was like in that giant ball?

me: Which giant ball would that be?

biscuit: The one at Epcot where the purple guy made things go upside down.

me: You're mixing up two different rides. The purple guy was Figment, and he was the one who turned everything upside down in the Imaginarium, which was the ride that broke down on us twice. The giant ball was Spaceship Earth, and it had lots of scenes of people and a computer where you and daddy went on a skiing vacation and got fixed with nanorobots.

biscuit: Uh... I don't know what you just said, but did you see my zombie blueberry snowman?

*

t.rex: WAAAAAAAH!

me: Biscuit, why is your brother crying?

biscuit: Because I gave him two choices.

me: What were they?

biscuit: Get locked in his room in the dark or go away.

me: Those aren't the most attractive choices, dude.

biscuit: Well, it was the best I could do at the time.

*

biscuit: Mommy, last night, the third time that I was supposed to go to sleep, a hummingbird came to the hummingbird feeder and then it came up to my room and buzzed at me through the window and then it was Tinkerbell.

me: Really? That's amazing!

biscuit: Oh, wait. On second thought, I think that might have been a dream.

*

t.rex: Mommy, Grimlock is eating you.

me: DON'T EAT ME, GRIMLOCK! YOU'RE MY FAVORITE TRANSFORMER!

t.rex: HA HA! Him eating you! NOM NOM NOM.

me: If he doesn't quit eating me, I'm going to eat *him*.

t.rex: You no can eating him. Him is AUTOBOT. Him have teeth.

me: You and Grimlock sound a lot alike.

t.rex: NO! ME AND GRIMLOCK NO SOUND ALIKE! ME NOT AUTOBOT!

me: Keep telling yourself that, kid.

*

biscuit: Bye. I'm going to eat some worms. I mean eggs. Because I'm a fox.

*

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't know about that older kid. She looks a lot like a kid who insulted me once.

Sincerely,

Ostrich Man

K A B L O O E Y said...

Biscuit's brain seems to function a lot like my Mooch's. Like a car radio that randomly jumps among stations. All the DJ's sound so confident, but the result can be very disconcerting to the listener.

Virginia Valerie said...

Your kids are awesome. Also, look at that cute short haircut!

Anonymous said...

I can very well imagine hearing this conversation in her house. You should hear Biscuit first hand!

urfaqhesse said...

that just made me cry with joy. seriously. tears.
i think i'm ovulating.

AWESOME.