Friday, May 27, 2011

the quiet things that no one ever knows




Have you ever lost something that you didn't want?

It's like one star winking out in the blanket of the sky, something you don't even miss until there's an emptiness left behind. Then comes the subtle dance of chemicals and feelings and nonexistent hopelessness. The feeling that something is wrong edging into the sure knowledge that nothing, nothing is wrong.

You want to curl in on yourself, alone, in bed. You want someone to explain it to, you want someone who can explain it *to* you, but there is no one who understands it.

You say, "Please be kind to me. It's hard right now. I don't know why."

But secretly, you think you know.

Tiny cheeks press against yours in response, tears come, you know it will pass.

And you say, "There it went."

*

not sure how long that will stay up. but i needed to say it, at least for a while.

6 comments:

Kristina said...

Beautiful. I love how even the font is hesitant...

Mirrors some of my feelings after miscarrying years ago.

Holding you in my heart!

Melissa said...

I'm sorry and I know how you feel. I've been there. I've had dear friends there and cried because I didn't want them to be there.

I say to leave this up. You are not alone, and it may help others feel less alone too.

Finn's Mom said...

Sending hugs.

urfaqhesse said...

right there with you. thank god for cheeks and love. <3

Virginia Valerie said...

Sorry Honey, I didn't get what was going on at first. You know I know how this feels, and we can talk anytime you want. Sending hugs your way. <3

EttyOop said...

*hugs* I'm sorry. I have been just there.... I understand :-(