Tuesday, May 17, 2011


In case you weren't riveted to my Tweetstream yesterday afternoon-- and if not, honestly, what else do you have to do? What do you mean, you actually have a life?-- then I assure you that the monster in the photo is now somewhere in the sewer system below us, probably having ginormous, half-crocodile mutant babies.

I was not aware, before then, that some spiders were cream-filled.

This one, like the newest abomination by Oreo, was double-triple-super-stuffed.

It lived under my dishwasher and stalked me for hours.

It slapped my cat.

I swear to God, it slapped my cat.

And now I'm afraid to do dishes.

At least, that's what I'm telling Dr. Krog.

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