Saturday, May 21, 2011

guns and rapture

It's 7am, and I'm drinking Treat Day skank coffee, which is filled to the rim with sugary hazelnut goodness. It's rapturous.

Well, maybe not.

I mean, it didn't turn me into a pile of ash. And it tastes heavenly. And the morning's way too pretty for hell on earth to be happening. Twitter seems to think it's not going to go down until 6pm or so, so I guess I'm in for a long day of cupcakes, Five Guys, and cinnamon rolls, which are almost the perfect shade of brown. Three more minutes in the oven, then it's cinnamony rapture time.

Mmm... rapture.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to make fun of religious zealotry... much.

But it seems kind of funny that the people so determined they know God's will think he's set a date and time to swoop them all up to somewhere better. Like this life's not good enough. That's what I find so insulting, I guess. That stubborn insistence that today's just a waiting room for a place where people can *truly* be happy.

I remember when Y2K was on the way, and my religious grandparents had a total stockpile of food, just in case. I found a can of Cesar Tasty Bits stuck in between all those tins of tuna fish and potted meat, and I slipped that one in the trash without telling Mimi that God didn't want her to end her days eating dog food.

Of course, Y2K passed without a blip. And I'm hoping today's rapture and next year's Mayan doomsday will as well. At the very least, I hope the Mayan gods wait until after my book gets published, because I want to throw one hell of a launch party and invite all of y'all.

Plus, I've got a lot of everyday raptures I want to go on enjoying.

The rapture of a little boy's full-body hug.

The rapture of a little girl singing songs about Transformers.

The rapture of a beautiful, sunny day and laughter by the pool.

The rapture of that funny little Carolina Wren that builds a nest in our outdoor grill every single year, thereby insuring we haven't grilled out in four years.

The rapture of writing, or painting, or reading, or just holding the hand of someone you love while watching season 1 of Justified on DVD.

The rapture of ziplining and horseback riding and whitewater rafting and snorkeling and having adventures that shock you out of your everyday blur.

The rapture of hot cinnamon rolls and sugary coffee that's all the more rapturous now that I only get it once per week.

And the rapture of finally having muscles, thanks to forgoing the sugar for six days a week.




Do I get to keep my guns in heaven?

*

WAIT, WHATS THAT NOISE?

IS THAT THE RAPTURE?

No.

It's just our neighbors, dragging their trash can back down the driveway.

We've still got time to enjoy another cinnamon roll.

Serenity now? Meh. RAPTURE NOW.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't forget the rapture of knowing Dan Judy. I mean, think about it. Dan.

Oh, yeah.

Muskrat said...

As a fellow slow carber, I endorse this post.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Anon, I haven't seen Dan since 2008, and there wasn't much left of him then. He could be a zombie or a cyborg or just a fake Facebook profile right now, for all I know.

Muskrat, I endorse your thumb's up. Is Saturday your Treat Day, too? Slow carb is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. That, and sitting behind Andre 3000 at a diner once.

Shane Stewart said...

"Rapture " is the Word of the Day, especially when all the letters aren't CAPS. And all those rapturous thoughts are some of my favorite. Like those Cinnamon Rolls and Big Hugs from my daughter. Thanks for the Blog today.

Jon Plsek said...

It is a really pretty day out, isn't it? Maybe instead of focusing on the afterlife, I'll spend my day focused on life.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Plsek, I declare it A TREE-CLIMBING DAY.

Which is why I just climbed a tree.

RosyRevolver said...

Perfect.

And you look beautiful.

Christa said...

Your guns are rapturlicious! You using that kettle bell???

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Thanks, Rosy and Christa! Hellzyeah, I've done my 60 reps of kettlebell today.

And now, back to the pool!

(I said that like Batman, BTW)

resolute twig said...

Love this.
xo
Also I'm glad we survived the night :)

merveilleuse said...

Your hair is beauuutiful! and nice muscles, too.

merveilleuse said...

Your hair is beauuutiful! and nice muscles, too.