Saturday, May 28, 2011

1-2-3-4 bang your head against a door

Hypothesis: Four-year-olds are evil.

Okay, just a little evil, and most of that is from photo manipulation. But they can still make you crazy. Here's why.

Scenario: You present the child with a plate of warm food.

You tell a 1 year old: Don't touch! Hot! Ouchie!

You tell a 2 year old: Don't touch, okay? It's hot! It can burn you! Wait a minute to eat it!

You tell a 3 year old: Your food is hot. You can tell, because there's steam. So don't touch it. Give it a few minutes to cool off, and touch it first to make sure you don't burn your mouth.

You tell a 4 year old: Yes, it's the eggs you requested. Yes, I cooked them the way you like them, because last time you wouldn't eat them because they were cut into squares. No, you can't have the cupcake in the back of the freezer if you eat all of the eggs. Yes, you can pretend to be Olivia while you eat the eggs, so long as you use your fork and don't pretend I'm Olivia's frumpy mom. As you can tell by the copious amounts of steam, they're really hot. You don't need to scream, screech, or run around the room squeaking like a guinea pig to communicate that the eggs are hot. Don't touch the steam. Don't touch the food. I said don't touch it. QUIT TOUCHING IT. GET YOUR TONGUE OFF THE STEAMY EGGS, YOU TINY WEIRDO. Fine. If you burn yourself, you're taking the Big Wheel to the hospital.


stephanie constantin said...

FYI, 5 is not better!

K A B L O O E Y said...

No... my daughter is six. And how'd you sneak in the house without my noticing?