Friday, March 11, 2011

screw you, rainbow fish

A long way out in the deep blue sea there lived a fish. Not just an ordinary fish, but the most beautiful fish in the entire ocean. His scales were many pretty colors, with sparkling silver scales mixed in for good measure.

The other fish were amazed at his beauty and always wanted to play with him. But he was proud and just liked showing off a lot.

One day, a little blue fish followed him and said, "Rainbow Fish, please give me one of your scales. You have plenty, and they are mightily awesome."

"No way, Jose," the Rainbow Fish scoffed. "I don't give away pieces of my soul like that, man."

But then all the other fish ostracized him, and he realized he was being a vain little prick.

So he went on a spirit journey where weird animals who can't talk told him to do stuff. An octopus told him to give his scales away, if he wanted to learn how to be happy.

"That is entirely lame," Rainbow Fish said. "Mediocre fish need to learn how to be awesome in their own way, not by taking stuff away from other people and begging all the time."

Then he felt the brush of a fin. It was that pesky little blue fish again. "Seriously, dude," he said, "Would you give me one little scale? And can I borrow $20?"

The Rainbow Fish thought very hard about all he had learned and said, "No. I'm not giving you my scales. But I would be happy to teach you how to sing or draw, or brainstorm some career options, or to give you a ride to the culinary instutute."

"But that's work," the little blue fish whined. "I just wanted one of YOUR scales."

"Don't be a lazy ass," said the Rainbow Fish. "I'm sure you're full of awesome, but it's YOUR job to figure out how."

"So can I have $5?" the little blue fish asked again.

"You're a mooch," the Rainbow Fish said. "And you may have ostracized me before, but I'm not so sure I want to be your friend anyway."

And with that, the Rainbow Fish swam away, silver scales flashing, to make friends with undersea creatures who put in the hard work to be good friends and explore their own gifts in life.



Tanya said...

D= I've never read the original rainbow fish but I feel like I just read something by Orwell.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

If it was by Orwell, they would have piled his scales up and burned them while wearing pig masks.

Or eaten lots of fish sticks. Or is that Orson Wells?

stephanie constantin said...

awesome! I think I may have to go buy the book and change the words.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Can you self publish this? Because It'd be my go-to baby gift.

Christine's Arts said...

And let that be a lesson to us! Ha! No seriously, let that be a lesson to us.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

My daughter is now dragging the actual book around and telling me how great it is. Why do we do that to kids? UGH.

Also, we never really covered why fish can't pull off their scales and trade them to moochyfish. I mean, NO HANDS. And BLEEDING HOLE IN FLESH.

But that would be Zombie Fish, wouldn't it?

Dysfunctional Mom said...

This is freaking awesome.

gardengirl said...

Can't help but comment. I have always hated this book and you have nailed why!!!!