weekend conversations

t.rex: VCR boken. Sister! On!

biscuit: Oh no. You finally broke it, brother. WE'RE DOOMED.

*

biscuit: Mommy, can we hear the song about the girl from other space?

me: You mean Golden Age by Asteroid Galaxy Tour? Sure!

biscuit: Why can't you sing like her?

me: We all have different gifts, and singing is definitely not my gift.

biscuit: You don't look like her, either.

me: Nope. We're very different.

biscuit: (consolingly) Sorry about that, Ol' Mom.

*

biscuit: Can we listen to the song about the guy smoking the cigarette?

me: (cringing to realize she's tuning in to lyrics) You mean Control by Metro Station? Sure. But, um, you know that smoking is very bad, right?

biscuit: Yeah. That guy is totally stupid. And I think he's just pretending to smoke, anyway.

me: (sotto voce) Oh, definitely. He's pretending to be a rabid misogynist, too.

biscuit: And next, can we listen to the song about the fuckinvegeparian?

me: Now I see why Wal*Mart sells CDs with the lyrics dumbed down.

*

me: Bad news, dude.

biscuit: What?

me: The headless tentacle squidlets from my calamari are forming a zombie squid army, and they're coming to steal your ice cream sundae.

biscuit: AAAAAH!

me: You do right to fear the zombie squid army! (marches fried squid bodies across the table of The Cheesecake Factory while humming The Emperor's March from Star Wars)

biscuit: You are so weird.

me: You're not supposed to figure that out until you're, like, twelve.

*

biscuit: (while swinging) This is really fun! I'm so glad Daddy is watching t.rex!

me: (swinging next to her) I KNOW! IT'S AWESOME!

biscuit: I can swing higher than you!

me: There is no universe in which that is possible!

biscuit: Wow, mom. You're really fun when you're not pretending to be a Mom.

me: That is the truest thing ever.