Monday, January 24, 2011

weekend conversations

t.rex: VCR boken. Sister! On!

biscuit: Oh no. You finally broke it, brother. WE'RE DOOMED.


biscuit: Mommy, can we hear the song about the girl from other space?

me: You mean Golden Age by Asteroid Galaxy Tour? Sure!

biscuit: Why can't you sing like her?

me: We all have different gifts, and singing is definitely not my gift.

biscuit: You don't look like her, either.

me: Nope. We're very different.

biscuit: (consolingly) Sorry about that, Ol' Mom.


biscuit: Can we listen to the song about the guy smoking the cigarette?

me: (cringing to realize she's tuning in to lyrics) You mean Control by Metro Station? Sure. But, um, you know that smoking is very bad, right?

biscuit: Yeah. That guy is totally stupid. And I think he's just pretending to smoke, anyway.

me: (sotto voce) Oh, definitely. He's pretending to be a rabid misogynist, too.

biscuit: And next, can we listen to the song about the fuckinvegeparian?

me: Now I see why Wal*Mart sells CDs with the lyrics dumbed down.


me: Bad news, dude.

biscuit: What?

me: The headless tentacle squidlets from my calamari are forming a zombie squid army, and they're coming to steal your ice cream sundae.

biscuit: AAAAAH!

me: You do right to fear the zombie squid army! (marches fried squid bodies across the table of The Cheesecake Factory while humming The Emperor's March from Star Wars)

biscuit: You are so weird.

me: You're not supposed to figure that out until you're, like, twelve.


biscuit: (while swinging) This is really fun! I'm so glad Daddy is watching t.rex!

me: (swinging next to her) I KNOW! IT'S AWESOME!

biscuit: I can swing higher than you!

me: There is no universe in which that is possible!

biscuit: Wow, mom. You're really fun when you're not pretending to be a Mom.

me: That is the truest thing ever.


Anonymous said...

You are so weird.

Anonymous said...

I only know one person weirder than I am. CAN YOU GUESS WHO THAT MIGHT BE?


Anonymous said...

Dan Judy with the big fat booty?

Dan the man with the big fat can?

Dan Kardashian?

Virginia Valerie said...

OMG this made me laugh so hard. All of it. :-) Thanks!

Charlotte said...

Her last quote here is a UNIVERSAL TRUTH. I swear it is.

urfaqhesse said...

oh, brother.

i want to go to cheesecake factory with you. i will sing the snoopy song.

miss you cutie pies.