Sunday, August 8, 2010

things my brain says

6:30am - wake up unwillingly and grumble down the stairs

6:31am - try to remember dream about paint-by-number forest in the mountains of North Carolina where someone kidnaps me and hides me in a chalet/IHOP to save me from zombies in station wagons

6:32am - give up on ever understanding my dreams and make coffee

7:15am - decide that the halfway point between Good Jedi and Bad Sith is Befuddled Droid

8:23am - try to rock out to Brand New's The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me, but stop screaming I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND/ I AM JUST A MAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO FEEL when my princess-dress-clad daughter interrupts me with, "Mommy, you're actually not a man."

9:45am - Happy Sunday Heathen Pool Party with the family

10:00am - butterfly lands on my head in the pool, and I decide I am THE CHOSEN ONE, just not sure what I've been chosen for

10:10am - Dr. Krog tells me I am a very playful person, and I insist that I am, in fact, more similar to a bipolar sloth on Quaaludes

11:25am - read demon romance book and get annoyed when said demon has violet eyes, which always pulls me out of a book and makes me say NO, HE DOESN'T HAVE VIOLET EYES BECAUSE HE'S NOT ELIZABETH TAYLOR.

12pm - eat a dissatisfying lunch of frozen samosas, Braeburn apple, Laughing Cow cheese, and raw nuts

12:30pm - first round of Shred level 2 pumps me up with so much aggression that I consider putting the thuggy teen down the street in an arm bar for lookin' at me while I was taking out the recycling. Decide to chill.

3:30pm - remember that my Labyrinth review is up at and contemplate which nerdy retro movie to review next. Ideas? Bueller? Bueller?

4:16pm - kill enormous army ant and send it swirling down the sink drain while yelling, "MADNESS? THIS. IS. SPARTA!!"

4:17pm - realize that despite attempt at chilling, there is apparently still some post-Shred angst in my blood

4:22pm - hear Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go and hear overlay of Chris Griffin over George Michael, then ponder why 80's guys were so girly-lame

4:26pm - whiny baby throws himself at my feet, screaming, "MIIIIIILK." I pour milk and respond, "MILK? THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!" Wonder if maybe I have a problem.

4:41pm - realize that instead of pondering life after death, I'm growing anxious over what I'm going to do when my favorite jeans are no longer wearable. Wish clothes were cloneable.

5:04pm - feel the need to party, but no party can be found. Eat waffles instead.

Just think... I'll probably be awake until 11pm.

That's 7 more hours of this crap.


Anonymous said...
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charissimo said...

Heathen Swim Party sounds AWESOME! Around here it's called The Church of Sunday Morning Waffles.

Jess said...

Oh my god the Shred level 2 is killer!!! I had been doing Shred a month ago but stopped due to an injury.I took it up again after reading your blog about not being able to find the disc in its proper case. Funny how the aggression lingers long after the work out ends!

nova said...

Mac and Me. Or Short Circuit.