Sunday, August 15, 2010

my trip to the sin city

Seriously, if you haven't seen Drop Dead Gorgeous, please Netflix it now. I'm begging you.

Now, about Minnesota. I think they need to change their state motto from "L'Etoile du Nord", which we all know is just gibberish, to:

Seriously, I haven't been to a lot of northern states, but it's quite a star.

I'd also like to tell you about the travel memoir I'm going to write about how I went to Minneapolis and, you know, found myself.

Here's the high-concept pitch: It's like Twilight meets Harry Potter as written by Elizabeth Gilbert, but for boring old married people who like to eat ice cream.

And then I got to meet THE REAL Mrs. Meyers. She was super, super cool. She told us stories about trailers and kids and raisins and kotex.

Then they let me into their actual LABORATORY, to play with CHEMICALS, because they are fools who never talked to my 12th grade Physics teacher, who thought I was a raging idiot.

Joke's on her, right? Mrs. Foss, you're a moron.

And then I made my very own counter spray. But they're mailing it to me next week, and I wouldn't blame them if they switched it out for one that was... um... a level above my usual lame-u-tastic standard for persnickety detail.

What else happened in Minnesota:

1. I sat next to Cher on the plane. And I mean 1974 Cher with ironed hair, not current zombie-corpse Cher or even Cher from Clueless. As if!

2. I saw a crop circle and a DRAGON from the plane. I don't care what Dr. Krog says. I know what I saw.

3. I had one of the best meals ever, including this fabulous little mason jar of awesome called Butterscotch Budino with Pink Sea Salt.

4. Met some utterly lovely bloggers, including Jordan Ferney from oh happy day and Cambria Bold from Apartment Therapy Re-Nest. Yes, friends-- her name is a font. How rad is that?

5. Had a really good cinnamon scone.

6. Had a tremendously lovely night of sleep.

7. Sat next to two strippers on the plane ride home. They were having a professional discussion of Jenna Jameson's biography. One had "Tawny" tattooed on her foot. They made fun of my own book, City of Bones by Cassie Clare, and I inwardly guffawed.

8. Missed the crap out of my family, although it was a nice little vacation from hearing the word "Mommy" every 3.2 seconds.

9. Learned loads of things about Mrs. Meyers and the Caldrea company, which I'll be sharing on Cool Mom Picks soon.

10. Tasted scallops for the first time since 2003 and remembered why I don't like 'em. Comforted myself with tempura blue tiger prawns. Life is rough.


charissimo said...

See, the Midwest's not so bad! We love you right back, baby!

Caldrea's Basil Blue Sage scent makes me want to weep, it smells so tasty.

charissimo said...

Also? That was one St. Paul's dragons you saw. Well-documented. Krog.

Runs with Granchildren said...

No, you may NOT move to Minnesota.

Alice Istanbul said...

Sounds like an amazing trip. I can't believe you met Mrs. Meyers. How cool!

K A B L O O E Y said...

Did the dragon fly by? Or did you view it from above or below? Were her wings extended? It wasn't a William Shatner/Nightmare at 20,000 feet scenario, was it?

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

It was a huge, white sea monster dragon in a river. It circled, dove, and disappeared. I AM NOT CRAZY. IT WAS REAL.