Monday, August 16, 2010
dear teacher: heaven help you
I'm filling out forms for preschool. Most of the questions make sense for my nearly 4-year-old. But I'm relatively baffled on how to answer for my 20-month-old son.
Child's greatest strengths:
* pooping at inopportune times
* eating half an avocado in 37 seconds
* sitting on the pink potty for an hour without producing a single drop
* laying on the cat
* looking cute in old man pants
* saying the word "Mommy" more than any other living thing in the history of the world
*giving really, really, fantastically awesome hugs
My child needs encouragement in:
*sleeping past 6am, preferably after 7am, or at least AFTER SUNRISE
*not poking his broccoli into the hole in his booster seat
*translating Goethe from the original German
*keeping track of sippy cups
My goals for my child's school year include:
*you watching him for six hours per week so I can rest and write and stuff
*no, really, that's mostly it
Relate previous preschool or childcare experiences:
*staying with grandparents WHILE I GO SEE SCOTT PILGRIM THIS WEEK, PLEASE GOD.
*watching Tom & Jerry while older children sit on him at LA Fitness
*spending afternoons with a magnificent 12-year-old mother's helper who went back to school and left me utterly bereft, BEREFT, I TELL YOU
September, you unruly wench, I must demand you arrive immediately.