I know I spend a lot of time on this blog basically saying, "I'm a mom but I'm still tough/cool" in as many ways as humanly possible. What am I trying to prove? That having kids didn't make me die inside a little. Even though it did. But other things were born. Kinda like when a rabbit dies in the woods, but then maggots eat it and mushrooms live on it.
It's really a lot more magical than it sounds.
Anyway, I thought I would show you a little slice of vulnerability.
Let me tell you about 10 things that strike fear in my heart.
Here's a hint: your mom ain't one of 'em.
1. Daycare buses and church vans. They scared me when I was a kid, and they scare me now. All those poorly supervised little thugs, milling around in matching t-shirts. ::shiver::
2. Apple pie. Seriously, it is the nastiest thing I can think of. Except raisins. And tuna. And capers. Actually, a dish melding all of those things would be my own personal golgotha. And it would look like what Lane's mom made in Better Off Dead.
3. Camel crickets. Because you never know which way they're going to jump. They're like evil, random, chaotic popcorn shrimp from Hell.
Okay, now that I've linked that, I'm going to go soak my laptop in bleach.
4. Being boring.
5. Letting myself go.
7. The love child of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Juliette Lewis.
8. Pretty much every parasite mentioned in Scott Westerfeld's book PEEPS.
9. Ever having to wear pleated-front, tapered-leg jeans again.
10. Not having access to my thyroid medication in case of the zombiepocalypse and having to eat raw pig glands.
You were expecting a real answer? Don't be silly.
Of course I'm not serious. I'm never serious.