Thursday, June 10, 2010

life, death, gravy

my interior thoughts:

I'm getting sick of this mortality salience thing that keeps whomping me upside the head. That stupid song about "Do you realize everyone you know someday will die". I freakin' hate that song. And the hiphop version of Forever Young, too. Then again, I shouldn't fear death so much. Everything that I've ever feared that was a natural transition was totally fine, in hindsight. As the Japanese used to say, life is a bridge of dreams between the infinite darkness. And I'm just so happy right now, so happy with EVERYTHING, that I don't want to lose anything. That I'm grasping at immortality, wishing things could be this way forever. Seems like a lot of America is doing that now, what with the vampire craze and dystopian fiction and superheroes and antioxidants. If we weren't so prosperous, we wouldn't mind dying. It would be more of a relief, a rest. Life is pretty good, and I've got to cherish every second.

the Biscuit: Mommy, did you know GRAVY is a kind of rain inside of you?

me: That's deep.

the Biscuit: Also, gravy is good for painting on the windows.


Southern Belle Mama said...

Have you ever seen the "There's A Party In My Tummy" song on Yo Gabba Gabba? I could totally see gravy being rain in that song!

Would have never thought of it as window paint though. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so with you on this fear - I myself don't mind the thought of dying but of losing my loved ones - my number one fear. In fact so much of what I do is based on this fear it is crazy!!

urfaqhesse said...

D, I have been feeling this way a lot lately, and we don't even have kids. Just having Ryan and my dream job makes me fearful at times of losing it all. But the universe has always pulled through for us, eh? and worrying won't help the enjoyment factor. what's the point of having everything you've ever wanted if you can't enjoy it? that's how i fall asleep at night, watching mr. hesse drool and thinking it's cute.

Ericka said...

What is this "mortality salience" of which you speak? You mean it is not common to constantly live with the specter of death hovering in the corner? Conversations with your mother don't often refer to the possibility that you could lose everything? My mother lost her first husband while pregnant with my older sister, my older sister lost her first husband the day after her 2nd child was born. Having been raised in this fatalistic vein has led me to become a rather hedonistic/live for today type, but true to my mother's teachings I always have a plan B.

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Ericka, I'm with you. I've been fiercely shallow for a while, ignoring anything that makes me tear up or think about how fleeting and special life and parenthood can be. But then I'll have one of those "reality checks", where you're completely exploded from the inside by the fact that you're a living, breathing person surrounded by millions of other people, and then I think about death and have a panic attack.

So I'm trying to let it in, a little bit at a time. Trying to develop a philosophy and come to terms with existence.

Still, I refuse to see the movie Up.