Thursday, April 29, 2010

nothin' says lovin' like pointy teeth

me: Biscuit, what should we get Mimi for her birthday?

biscuit: It's Mimi's BIRTHDAY? Is she going to be a big kid? Will she be 5?

me: No, buddy. I think she's going to be 78 or 79. Luckily, she's never used a computer, so she'll never know that I'm telling the world how old she is, or that one time, she fed me moldy cornbread, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I ate it anyway and was sick for two days.

(Pause while t.rex knocks over my laptop while trying to put on his sister's flower shoes, and then biscuit tries to punish him by sitting on him and screaming, NO LITTLE BRUDDER! NO!)

biscuit: Will we go to her birthday party and eat cake?

me: No, dude. She's diabetic. She hasn't had cake in ten years.

biscuit: Will she wear a funny hat?

me: Probably not. But that doesn't mean that we can't. The world needs more funny hats.

biscuit: Will she have a birthday party at Monkey Joe's?

me: Definitely not. People with osteoporosis don't get to go on jump-jumps.

biscuit: (sadly deflated) Oh.

me: But we can get her a present. What do you think she'd like?

biscuit: Ooh! Maybe a goat!

me: That's thoughtful, but Mimi hates animals and noise.

biscuit: But then she would have goat milk.

me: I don't think Mimi's that big into goat milk. Or goat smell.

biscuit: What about a panda bear?

me: Like, a stuffed panda bear, or a drawing, or...

biscuit: Like.... like.... like, a panda bear.

me: We can't get her a real panda bear, dude. They live in China and eat nothing but bamboo and are very heavy and expensive.

biscuit: Maybe a little one?

me: What's your next idea?

biscuit: Um... maybe... a camel?

me: Oh, I see. You're getting your ideas from the refrigerator magnets. Stop looking at the fridge, and think about your sweet Mimi and what would make her happy.

biscuit: A picture?

me: That's a good idea, but you're still looking at the fridge. Maybe you could draw her a picture?
A picture of a flower, or you hugging her, something that will tell her how much we love her?

biscuit: Like an alligator?

me: Yes, nothing says "I love you, great-grandma" like a carnivorous, swamp-dwelling reptile.

biscuit: Or maybe Boba Fett.


My vote is still for flowers, though.


Eoywin said...

I think a picture of Boba Fett would be awesome!

Simply Valorie said...


urfaqhesse said...

she's a genius. can't wait to have her paintings hanging on our walls next to yours.
or maybe just pictures of her being a ballerina/cheerleader dressed like a storm trooper.

Happy Birthday, Mimi!!!

Ms. Chyme said...

I came across in a blogging world and found you... Love your blog.

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Okay. When we sit down to draw today, I'll ask her to draw Boba Fett. Wait until you guys see the picture she drew of me petting an alligator yesterday.

And Urfa, if you were a little bit more alabaster, my grandmother would think you the perfect woman and like you a lot more than she likes me. Sweet, cook-y, and lawyer-y.

tagskie said...

Nice blog you got here... Just droppin' by to say hi!

urfaqhesse said...

Well, tell her my mom wishes I was more alabaster, too ;)
And so does Ryan's dad. But i love her gene pool, so she's a okay in my book :)

And i like you enough for all of us.

charissimo said...

You never know when a woman in her late 70's could use a bounty hunter from a galaxy far, far away.

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Charis, he'd have to be a bounty hunter for Jesus.

It's a different world, once you step through that heavily locked door. Guns, Bibles, CNN, weird old people food, candy dishes full of last holiday's treats. Old Southern people are totally wack.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Boba Fett vs. the Alligator of Death: steel cage match! I want to see the poster. That's be a lovely present. Or fun for your readers... it'd be one of those two things.