That stands for "Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in My Daughter's Second Year of Episcopalian Preschool". It's not as elegant as that whole blah-blah-Kindergarten book, but we ain't in kindergarten yet.
1. This outfit matches because today is Valentine's Day, and the shirt is for Halloween, and they are both holidays. The penguin leggings have an orange polka dot, so they match the orange Halloween shirt. The purple socks have Sleeping Beauty, and her mom is a witch, and the Halloween shirt has a witch. The skirt is pink, which matches orange. The headband has Tinkerbell, who is a fairy, and fairies have sparkles, so that matches the glittery silver shoes. The sunglasses are just because.
2. It's good to have bad eyes because Jean* has glasses, and Jean is four and therefore a big kid. Ergo, having glasses would make my kid a big kid. I don't think she's going to be as excited about myopia as she thinks.
3. Nearly every single class day is someone's birthday or a holiday, because my kid comes home on an annoying sugar high with light blue icing crusting her lips and requests a juice box.
4. Jesus made people, who made the dinosaurs.**
5. White is not a color.**
6. Columbus found America, then the guys with the funny hats had dinner with the Indians, and they ate corn, and that was Thanksgiving. **
7. The best game to play on the playground is Baby Dragon, because the baby dragon gets to cry a lot, and the big sister dragon gets to tell it to be quiet. Screaming and nagging are the two funnest things ever.
8. Johnny has a peeper, which we know because my daughter had to wash her hands while he was tinkling. His peeper is also bigger than t.rex's peeper. "I checked, mama."
9. Teacher was out for a few weeks because she gave her brother a kidley.
10. They've changed the words to "Jesus Loves Me". It now goes like this:
church and family
church and family and god
church and god and family and church and GOOOOOOD
Jesus loves me
better than anything
he loves me
better than Bella or Kaelin or Reese or even Jade***
better than anything
Jesus loves me so
la la la la
he looooooves me
here you go, little brudder
here is a ball.
I can't wait for the four-year-old class next year.
* Names have been changed to protect the innocent and their glasses/peepers.
** We had to have a serious talk about each of these issues.
*** Sorry, guys. I'm sure this is a tough lesson for the moms involved. But Jesus don't lie.