Tuesday, February 16, 2010


That stands for "Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in My Daughter's Second Year of Episcopalian Preschool". It's not as elegant as that whole blah-blah-Kindergarten book, but we ain't in kindergarten yet.

1. This outfit matches because today is Valentine's Day, and the shirt is for Halloween, and they are both holidays. The penguin leggings have an orange polka dot, so they match the orange Halloween shirt. The purple socks have Sleeping Beauty, and her mom is a witch, and the Halloween shirt has a witch. The skirt is pink, which matches orange. The headband has Tinkerbell, who is a fairy, and fairies have sparkles, so that matches the glittery silver shoes. The sunglasses are just because.

2. It's good to have bad eyes because Jean* has glasses, and Jean is four and therefore a big kid. Ergo, having glasses would make my kid a big kid. I don't think she's going to be as excited about myopia as she thinks.

3. Nearly every single class day is someone's birthday or a holiday, because my kid comes home on an annoying sugar high with light blue icing crusting her lips and requests a juice box.

4. Jesus made people, who made the dinosaurs.**

5. White is not a color.**

6. Columbus found America, then the guys with the funny hats had dinner with the Indians, and they ate corn, and that was Thanksgiving. **

7. The best game to play on the playground is Baby Dragon, because the baby dragon gets to cry a lot, and the big sister dragon gets to tell it to be quiet. Screaming and nagging are the two funnest things ever.

8. Johnny has a peeper, which we know because my daughter had to wash her hands while he was tinkling. His peeper is also bigger than t.rex's peeper. "I checked, mama."

9. Teacher was out for a few weeks because she gave her brother a kidley.

10. They've changed the words to "Jesus Loves Me". It now goes like this:

church and family
churchy family
churchily family
church and family and god
church and god and family and church and GOOOOOOD
Jesus loves me
better than anything
he loves me
better than Bella or Kaelin or Reese or even Jade***
better than anything
Jesus loves me so
la la la la
he looooooves me
here you go, little brudder
here is a ball.

I can't wait for the four-year-old class next year.

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent and their glasses/peepers.

** We had to have a serious talk about each of these issues.

*** Sorry, guys. I'm sure this is a tough lesson for the moms involved. But Jesus don't lie.


Alissa said...

Worthwhile life lessons all.

Bonifacio said...

When I blog, I frequently put conversations I have with kids. Mine are 8 and 12 and sadly, they've inherited my smart alleck gene. Even sadder, I had the exact conversation with my 8 year old about the T-Rex. :)

miss. chief said...

oh my gosh this was funny! I love the matching rationalization.

Alice Istanbul said...

That Biscuit is one hell of a smart preschooler. Very funny :)

stephanie said...

lol...poor Bella!

charissimo said...

I love the "oh honey, no" tag.

This is a recent conversation I had with my child (who happened to be sitting in the bathtub at the time):

Me: Owain, do you want to go and see Kurt with Uncle Chris and Ellis? If you do, you need to get out of the bathtub right now.

Owain: Is Kurt a small man or a small lady?

Me: Kurt is, well, yes, he is sort of a smaller man. Do you want to go? Because that means we need to get you out of the tub right away.

Owain: Does Kurt have a mustache?

Me: Yes, he does. Okay, DID YOU WANT TO GO?

Owain: When will I have a mustache?

You get the idea...

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Yeah, sorry, Bella! And sorry, Charis, but if you had a better mustache, you might have better luck in the tub. Biscuit wants to stay in there until the water is freezing and her fingertips are falling off.

gardengirl said...

You make me laugh- thank you!!

Helen40 said...

very good! My dughter is 4 today. I am glad she is not the only one to come out with strange, but insistent rationalisations!

Sometimes there is just no arguing!