Tuesday, February 2, 2010

aye, sorr. still womitin'.

(I know I'm doing lots of conversations lately, but... well. I just am. So there.)

me: (5pm yesterday) I had forgotten what awful indigestion I get from hot Krispy Kreme donuts. I must be getting old. Or more bilious.

me: (7pm yesterday) HERBLAUGH!

me: (9pm, 10:30pm, 12:30pm, 2:30am, 3:30am) HERBLAUGH!

t.rex: (7pm to 4am) OE! MY MAMA WON'T TOUCH ME! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WALKING CHEESEBURGER MACHINE? DADDY PALES IN COMPARISON!

t.rex: (4am) Uh... is someone stepping on the hose, because my cheeseburger machine appears to be running dry. And stinky.

me: I stink, I'm dehydrated, and I got two hours of sleep next to a pissed off baby. Now that it's 7am, I will pay one million dollars for a bottle of 7Up or any greenish beverage. Any takers?

my mom: Why, yes, I will leave my job in the dark of early morning to bring you not one, but three different greenish beverages, because I am a freakin' hero.

me: GLUG GLUG GLUG. Gee, I hope I'm not going to womit again.

the Biscuit: Mommy, I need some milk. Mommy, I need some more milk. Mommy, I have manners, so please can I have some chocolate milk and a raspberry cookie and then I can see the snail and also paint? Mommy? How about some nice oatmeal with blackberries, but don't stir it up, because really, I just want to eat the blackberries? How 'bout that? What are we doing today? Can we go buy another snail? Or a cat? Or go to the playground?

me: UGH.

t.rex: Seriously, is there some button I'm missing on the cheeseburger machine? My milk cow has apparently run dry, and these crackers aren't going to moisten themselves.

me: UGH. But now I can eat toast.

me: (1pm) UGH. But now I want some McDonald's, please.

Dr. Krog: I'm starting to feel a little UGH myself, but I will bring you McDonald's, because I am a frickin' hero. Huh. I didn't finish my cheeseburger. That's unusual.

Dr. Krog: (4pm) HERBLAUGH!

the Biscuit: WAH!

me: What's wrong, sweetheart?

the Biscuit: DADDY TOLD ME TO GO AWAY!

me: Well, yes, people who have the stomach flu don't really want to be touched or talked to, really.

the Biscuit: BUT I WANT TO SEE IT!

me: You want to see what?

the Biscuit: WHAT DADDY IS DOING!

me: He's vomiting. That horrible noise that sounds like a wormhole to the zombie apocalypse is your father barfing.

the Biscuit: I WANT TO SEE IT!

me: Why on earth do you want to see Daddy's barf?

the Biscuit: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT COLOR IT IS!

me: Um... it's a really noxious sort of brown. A pukey brown. And it reeks. I speak from experience.

the Biscuit: BUT I WANT TO SEE!

Dr. Krog: (weakly) She can come see me, if she wants to.

me: She doesn't really want to see YOU, sweetheart. She wants to see your puke.

Dr. Krog: I already flushed it. It reeked.

the Biscuit: THEN I WANT TO SMELL IT!

me: Okay, honey. You go right upstairs and smell your daddy's vomit, if it'll make you happy. But don't expect a big Christmas.

*

In other news, if you saw me on Monday, please go take a bath in bleach.

It's for your own good.

9 comments:

Alice Istanbul said...

Oh no :( and lol :) You have a gift for making people laugh at your misfortune

I hope you're feeling better soon, and Dr. Krog, too. Thank for being such a friend and doing that favor for me in the midst of you womiting madness. Can I make you some jewelry now?

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Dude, you should never ask me that question! The answer is always a resounding YES!

Shaunells Hair said...

Oh I love it! Your blog is awesome. Just stopping in! Come see my giveaway at http://shaunellshair.blogspot.com.

Jennifer said...

We should officially change it to womit. It wounds so much cuter.

Katiri said...

how did biscuit (by the way, we're pronouncing it french-style, bis-KWEE) rate the smell?

Delilah S. Dawson said...

katiri, I did not accompany her into la salle de pukes, but she probably said it was "Alright", because she says everything is Alright.

And did the stinks ever show up for you? Cuz I mailed 'em. Honest.

urfaqhesse said...

You make puke funny :)

Delilah S. Dawson said...

I also make funny puke.

Anonymous said...

I've also always secretly wanted to smell Kregg The Terrible's puke.