I had a fantastic time tonight meeting Kristen of Mominatrix and Cool Mom Picks, and I was reminded of a question I've been meaning to ask.
If you're a mother, how have you changed as a person after having children?
If you're a dude, just skip to the movie review below. This one's for the ladies. If you're my mom, stop reading, because I'm going to type the word "vagina" in a minute.
Kristen was speaking to a local Moms of Multiples group about her new book, the Mominatrix's Guide to Sex. And although the word "vagina" came up several times, that wasn't the main thrust of the discussion. Her point was that in writing the book, which I can't wait to read, a common thread popped up again and again.
Yes, thrusting and popping up in a paragraph about a sex book. Go ahead and titter.
She pointed out that possibly the biggest factor influencing a mom's sex life is not toys or thongs or her husband's four-pack*. It's how she feels about herself. Whether she feels in control, or pretty, or fat, or tired, or greasy. Whether she's thought about buying a new bra in the last year. Whether she's taking care of herself mentally and making her needs known. Whether she feels cherished and appreciated.
All the Hitachi Magic Wands in the world can't help a girl if she's not in a good place emotionally and physically, and caring for children can make it even harder to get there. I think most new moms go through a phase where they aren't quite who they used to be, but they're not sure who they are now. You just wake up one day with this tiny person attached to you like a leech, and say, "Great, but what now?"
Figuring out the 'what now' part has been one of the best journeys of my life so far, and I feel really fortunate to have found a new passion and have such a supportive family. Sure, I've had my little fits of despair. But being a mom has made me a better person, and it somehow has nothing to do with my children.
That's why the banner at the top says "writer, artist, wife, mom, goof". It made me who I am, but it's not all that I am.
But I'm grateful.
And I'm not telling you one cotton-pickin' thing about my sex life, so quit being nosy, mom.
* Shout out to Dr. Krog's four-pack! Woooooo!