Thursday, January 14, 2010

mmm... somewhat fish eyes

I've had some thoughts. Thoughts about the food we keep around the house.

Thoughts in the form of bad similes.

And I want to hear yours!

Couscous - Like a big bowl of buttery fish eyes.

Avocado - Like spit made flesh.

Spinach and lentil soup - Like liquid rage.

Caramelized onion mashed potatoes - Like tan-colored heaven studded with bright, squishy diamonds of awesomeness.

Poppyseed rolls with cinnamon-honey-butter - Like a new religion that involves God worshipping YOU.

Chai latte - Like a Turkish rug, if a Turkish rug were a drink, and without the dirt and old raisins and stains leftover from cat hairballs.

Mandarin oranges - Like something that is dissected in 9th grade biology.

Rice Krispy Treats - Like crack, but you get fat instead of glamorously skinny.

Sprouted grain bread toast - Like taking a cardboard-flavored cheese grater to the top of your mouth with a side effect of feeling virtuous. Self-flagellation by breakfast food.

Goldfish crackers - Like dog kibble for toddlers.

Scrambled eggs - Like warm, jiggly, golden chicken fetuses.

Refrigerated dark chocolate - Like caffeinated brown crayons would taste.

Grilled peanut butter and jelly wrap - Like the worst idea any restaurant has ever invented as applies to three-year-olds. Seriously, it was like a tube of boiling jelly lava. I'm still cleaning bits of it out of her crevices.

Writing makes me feel writerly, and food makes me feel hungrily.

Anybody else got some food similes?


Virginia Valerie said...

Bean burritos - like little packets of life

(that's really all I eat)

Okay, just kidding. That's all I could think of. Oh and FYI, if you want to make killer lentil and spinach soup, it's really easy (and involves kielbasa). Trader Joe's is awesome for most things, just not soup or produce.

Blythe said...

Sadly, my written food is all metaphorical (I think...). I know I've written pages and pages about soup. I must say, I deeply enjoy the Avocado as "spit made flesh." Guacamole: is like transubstantiation on a cracker.

stephanie constantin said...

I may never eat scrambled eggs again...

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Not to be too crass, dear Val, but I think you meant to say:

Bean burritos: Like little packets of poots.

But I could be wrong.

Anonymous said...

Egg salad: the fantastic taste is an explosion in our mouths...but the aftermath causes us to scatter to different rooms.

Chocolate: latches onto my hips and thus doesn't stay around long enough to have a metaphor attached to it. :)

I have to laugh at Valerie's rewrite of the Burrito description. TOO FUNNY!


Virginia Valerie said...

Ha! Awesome.

leigh said...

Curly French Fries are like fried angel halos.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm FRENCH FRIES!!!!