You were right, internetz.
I have a spiral fracture of my 4th hobbit toe. The doctor is amazed I can walk. They gave me a prescription for Tramodal.
Well, actually, they gave an Indian gentleman who lives down the street a prescription for Tramodol, because my last name is not, in fact, Sinh. Good thing I didn't try to fill that Rx, huh?
My doc-in-the-box is way sharp.
But I saw the X-ray, and it don't lie. My toe is ker-SNAP.
So I have to buddy tape my toes for three weeks and wear an attractive orthopedic moonboot. They recommended crutches, but honestly, what sort of whiner-baby uses crutches??
Ha, ha. Joke is on Dr. Krog!
But seriously. It went like this:
Colonel Doctor: (because he looks like Colonel Sanders, a la Scrubs) Well, you have a very nice broken toe there.
me: I figured.
Kernel Dokter: So here's a prescription for Tramodal, crutches, and a post-op boot.
me: (laughing loudly, maniacally, uncontrollably) HA HA HA HA HA
Cornell Doctor: Is that funny?
me: HA HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HEE HEE HEE HA.
Doctor. Colonel.: Are you okay?
me: (gasping for air) It's just so funny. My husband is on crutches for hip surgery. We can't BOTH be on crutches. We have a BABY. Somebody has to be able to DRIVE. This is hilarious! The irony is delicious!
Chicken Doc: (just stares at me)
me: And I can't take Tramodal, because I'm still nursing. I can't have any sort of fun painkillers at ALL!
Dr. Chicken: Well, call your pediatrician and see what they recommend. And when you go to bed at night, put the covers over a high-back chair so the blanket doesn't put undue pressure on your toe.
me: HA HA HA HA. Dude, I either sleep on a pull-out sofa with my husband or on my baby's floor. I don't have the leisure to be setting up comfortable chairs by my own bed! HA HA HA.
Dr. Robot Chicken: Ah, yes, well. Do the best you can, I suppose. Come back in three weeks for another x-ray.
me: FUNNIEST. INJURY. EVER.
I suspect I am not the easiest patient.