Wednesday, December 2, 2009
sense and sensibility and mustard (and sea monsters)
Today, I did something strange.
Something I could never have anticipated.
I bought a mustard-colored sweater from Kohl's.
I hear you gasping out there. Mmm hmm. But it's true.
I have always believed that any shade of yellow makes me look like a zombie, but this one is more... butternut. More "khaki with a bad spray tan". I don't know why, but it just struck me. And it was on sale for 50% off.
And it reminds me of how wonderful it is to change as a person, to remain mutable and flexible. When I was sixteen, everything was so black or white. Especially my wardrobe. There was no middle ground, only passionate beliefs.
I'm reading Sense and Sensibility for the first time, and Marianne reminds me so much of myself back then. Don't get me wrong-- I've watched the movie forty-hundred-thousand-bajillion times, mostly when enjoying a "sick day", where "sick day" means "I've got raging cramps and took the day off to scarf a cupcake shaped like a Maltese while relaxing in bed and watching Stench and Stenchability for the forty-gormillionth time".
But that's Marianne to a fault-- young, foolish, impassioned, 100% positive that her feelings and beliefs are the only ones worth having. Elinor seems so cold and dead inside, comparatively. Later, of course, we learn that she feels things just as deeply but wisely holds her tongue for the benefit of herself and her family. In the end, they both find happiness, although I have my doubts for the joyful double wedding at the end of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.
My point here is that it's good to have some Marianne and some Elinor. The passion and the practicality. But what's most important, for me, is being able to move between them fluidly without feeling silly for past mistakes or imperfect passions.
If you're going to eat crow, make it into a delicious pot pie and post the recipe and freeze the leftovers.
So here's my crow sammich. I have sworn up and down that I would never wear yellow. My entire life, I've looked down on yellow and turned up my nose at the thought of someone actually designing a garment in that color. I have always hated yellow.
But you know what? This sweater looks totally kickass.
To love this sweater is to burn-- to be on fire-- like Juliet or Guinevere or Eloise.
Or really, really hot and spicy mustard.