Thursday, December 10, 2009

digital fingerstring

I'm going to admit it: I'm having a hard time.

I'm not going to go on and on about why, because that's boring. But I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it.

I'm going to go all zen. Well, as zen as I can. So I'm going to use this blog to remind myself of certain things, like wearing a string around one's finger helped folks to remember to feed the goat back before iPhone apps and index cards.

I must remember:

1. That when people are most unloveable, they need the most love. Me included.

2. That when I'm at my angriest and close to lashing out at my loved ones, I'm going to step back, breathe deep, and duck underwater into calmness. Like an alligator.

3. That this, too, shall pass. That the days of interminable mess and loud noises and bad sleep and unendurable colds and child-bottom-wiping and car seat struggles only last for a few years, just a brief, magical time as fast and sticky and transient as warm honey.

4. That life requires maintenance. That things break on every house and must be fixed. That cars require work. That such irritations should be expected and planned for. That every house, no matter how big or small or fancy, has the same problems. Or worse problems.

5. That laughing makes me feel a lot better. I don't need antibiotics; I need Eddie Izzard.

6. That my creative urge won't go away just because I can't immediately satiate it. That this book is going to force its way out of me whether I lose sleep and time with loved ones or just put it off for a while. That publishing takes time. And there is plenty of time in the world.

7. That I don't have to be perfect. That sometimes, you're a total flake for a while, and true friends understand and forgive. That everyone has periods of weakness or insecurity or illness or can't-get-my-sh*t-together-ness, or maybe all of them at once. And it's perfectly normal.

8. That food doesn't make me feel better. That sleep *does*.

9. That going out and making memories for my children is better than wallowing in my house in annoyance and inertia, and that I feel better afterwards, too.

10. That I have enough of everything I need, if I just remember where to find it.

Breathe in, friends. The air is crisp and the day is fine.

Breathe out.


Janet said...

I need to remember that one about cars and houses. I get way overly upset when things go wrong in those areas.

Southern Belle Mama said...

I was just having one of those moments (okay, maybe more than a moment) too. I've been sort of suspended in time since my Mamaw passed away on Tuesday. This is just what I needed to read.

I am currently cleaning and I think that any type of progress that breaks the inertia makes me feel better too. Hope you're doing okay!

Anonymous said...

I think I need your list too!

charissimo said...

Love to you, darling.

Anonymous said...

I need to remember A LOT of these things as well! Thanks!

urfaqhesse said...

I love you. I think you're pretty fantastic.

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Urfa, if you love me, you will come to our house during the holidays and actually stay the night and eat pancakes with the Biscuit. We have a spare bedroom right now. And bacon.

Oh, and I guess your husband can come, too.

Alissa said...

I think we all need a little Zen at this time of year.

stinestrain said...

big hugs. this weather that can't be playgrounded in doesn't help!

Stephanie Constantin said...

I'm printing that out to remind myself...

RosyRevolver said...

I need to remember that about the food, and the sleep, and Eddie Izzard. I can't believe someone else out there loves him like I do!!

Just remember, my friend . . . the world could be ruled by evil ducks and pilot fish . . . and you always have a choice between cake or death.

cake, please.

love your way.

Virginia Valerie said...

I heart you. I hope things de-stress for you. Thinking about you!

urfaqhesse said...

We're in - we had already planned to do so, actually, we just hadn't gotten around to asking if we can :)
I am happy to know that we are welcome - and we'd have been happy on the pull out.
Pancakes with the Biscuit - HEEHEE! I'm IN.

Today's Random said...

Great post. #1 there definitely hit home for me because I'm the worst at remembering it! Sign me up for a finger string too...

Helen McGinn said...

Amen, sista!!! I remember a particular day; my husband was at a conference, I had my new baby twins and my 18 month old and I'd told everyone I'd be fine. They offered help but I said, of course, as usual, I'd be fine. I wasn't fine. I was faaaarrrr from fine! That week was my low point. That was my stare-down-the-pit-and-think-about-jumping time. It passed. so, 'this too shall pass' is so, so true. Hang in there, buddy because it gets much, much easier...before it gets worse (I'm not at the teenager stage yet but I have nieces...nieces from hell). ;O)


Katiri said...

lovely, D. Thanks for reminding me. Checking in here at your blog is one of the little things i do to stay sane. and T-rex is ga-ga gorgeous!