Friday, November 27, 2009
if you give a kid a cookie
If you give a kid a cookie, she'll ask, "Mommy, why's that cookie got strawberry innit? Why does strawberry start with "S"? I like the letter S. It looks like a snake. Snakes say "sssss". And it looks like a worm, too. Worms are kinda sticky, you know, mom. I saw a worm in the rain one day at grandma's house and I gave some grass for he to eat. That was really nice of me, wasn't it, mom? Do you think tomorrow we can usually go to the playground with my friend, and I can wear long pants but roll them up and wear a short skirt and some Crocs? Would that be a good deal? And since I ate all my cookie, maybe I could have a vitamin, but I can have two vitamins, and one can be a purple hippo, okay, mama? How's that for you, mama? Vitamins will make me grow up big and strong, and I will jump so SO high, and daddy takes vitamins, too, but he is already very big, and one day when I am a big, big, bigger kid, a grown up, I will marry a boy I haven't met yet, and we will play a video together, and I will be a princess-artist-doctor, when I am a grown-up, and that will be pretty good. Maybe later, we can play that game where I sing the song about the tiger."
And then you'll say, "How was that cookie, buddy?"
And she'll say, "I didn't really like it. Would you get me some raspberry yogurt and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some peaches and a glass of milk, please? And also an apple cookie."
And then you'll pull your hair out of your head and try to hide in the crisper behind the celery and decide that you should never give your kid a cookie again.
Makes as much sense as that "Give a Moose a Muffin crap, doesn't it?