Wednesday, October 21, 2009

okay, so pretend you're me.


Okay, so you're me, and you slept pretty badly, because your baby slept badly. You wake up and learn why: he has some mad-crazy diaper rash on his peeper. And then he takes a ten pound crap. So you get a firehose and mop the lad off and apply a tube of ointment.

Isn't that word just ridiculous? Ointment.

Anyway. While that's going on, you go up to your daughter's room to get her super-special outfit for school pictures, and you note that it's 8:50. Plenty of time! And then you find the super-special outfit in the dirty clothes hamper under daddy's stinky gi. So you beg/cajole your child into wearing something else, try to hack a shape into her bangs, and check the clock in your bedroom, which says 9:22, even though only 3 minutes have passed.

Then you remember daddy reset the Biscuit's alarm clock so she would sleep later.

Sh*t.

You belt the kids into the car. You press the garage door button, and nothing happens. So you push it some more, from different directions. You kick the door a few times. You stamp on various bits of it. You google "open garage door". You finally get the door open and get to school 30 minutes late. On picture day.

LUCKILY, the rest of the day is awesome.

There's this:


Because my Dr. Krog takes care of my cake-o-licious needs. See Unruly Junior going for a little snick-snack of icing? She's a bold little critter, to touch my cake. One could easily lose a finger doing that.

Followed by a meal at Benihana, because my favorite hibachi restaurant, Nagoya, didn't have a hibachi chef for lunch. At a hibachi restaurant. For lunch. At a hibachi restaurant.

But the Biscuit is pretty smooth with the chopsticks.


Mmmmm. Hibachi.

And then Dr. Krog took both kids for an hour and a half so that I could go to Starbucks and sip a pumpkin latte and implement the suggestions of my wonderful, lovely, talented, helpful critics. My first chapter is now 100% better. Thanks, guys! You were totally right!

And then I took the kids over to my folks' house to play. t.rex had his longest walking trip so far-- about 6 steps! And all five of us-- Nina, Big Ben, the Biscuit, t.rex, and me-- played ball. It was such a sweet way to end the day.


Sorry, Big Ben. You're making kinduva funny face there, but it was the best picture of me and the only one in which the Biscuit wasn't doing her "cheese" smile.

And, of course, this is what I saw every time I stood up today:


It was a good day. It was a good birthday. I have a good life.

And a delicious, moss-colored cake, and some awfully cute kids, and a sweet husband, and a wonderful family, and some rockin' boots, and a stomach still swollen from hibachi.

Oh, and I just finished my third piece of cake, but you didn't hear that from me, cuz I ain't one to talk.

8 comments:

Alicia Istanbul said...

Awesome! I have a huge smile on my face. So happy that you had a Happy Birthday :) Your Samoa latte at TCP is on me on Friday.

charissimo said...

Plus, you have a leather wrist cuff that I'm *totally* coveting right now. Glad it was a good day!!

Anonymous said...

So I have an important question. Urfa's coworker is a big fat gay man. He's quite femme. Assuming that he one day adopts, can he breastfeed with his man-boobs?

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Only if he has mammary glands, honey. But they do make this system that has a bottle around your neck and a long tube that can be taped to your nip, and then you can pretend.

But since you're Bob, you probably already do pretend that.

Where's my armadillo?

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Mmm... Samoa latte. And stones to ogle. And Cheshire cats to flash.

Charis, it's here, and it's fabulous: http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=19441029

Great seller, quick shipping, goes with everything.

Stephanie said...

glad you had a great day! can't wait to see the school pics!

the word verification to comment is "nonap" that made me giggle....guess I should sleep!

Anywoo...happy birthday!

aosLeather said...

Happy Birthday! (a couple of days late, i see). That cake is the coolest i've ever seen! Bet it was yummy!

Wendy said...

Happy belated birthday!!!