Monday, October 5, 2009

Act III: Return of the Womits

t.rex: HERBLAUUUUGH!

me: OH NO! MY BEBBEH HAS THE WOMITS! AGAIN! ALL OVER MY NEW SHIRT! IN CVS WHILE I WAIT FOR MY PRESCRIPTION!

t.rex: (acts listless)

me: Wow, so no dairy, then. That teaspoon of low-fat yogurt at lunch was apparently a bad idea. Another scientific experiment failed.

t.rex: HERBLAUGH!

the Biscuit: Mommy! I'm a fairy, mommy! A fairy princess witch mermaid Care Bear Stormtrooper! And I want some water, mommy! And a cookie! And some Care Bears! Mommy, I made a sammich with my ham and cheese!

t.rex: HERBLAUGH!

my new shirt: (waves white, vomit-covered flag in surrender)

the tank top I put on after that: Oh, dude, this is going to suck.

t.rex: HERBLAUGH!

the tank top I.P.O.A.T: Yeah, that sucked.

me: MY BEBBEH IS STILL WOMITTIN!

t.rex's doctor: I thought we agreed about the 'no yogurt' thing?

me: Well, you said no full-fat yogurt before bed. I tried low-fat yogurt at lunch. Barely a baby spoonful. That's different.

t.rex's doctor: How's that working out for you?

me: No so well.

t.rex's doctor: Vomiting is more of a laundry issue than a disease issue. He's allergic to milk. Buy a goat.

me: Can you write a prescription for that?

t.rex: HERBLAUGH!!

me: I am running out of shirts. And towels.

the Biscuit: I love t.rex! I will hug him! And take his toys away! No, t.rex, no! You can't have your toys! You are sick! Quit spitting up, baby brother!

t.rex: ....herblaugh?

me: Yay! He quit wommitting!

t.rex: I changed my mind. HERBLAUGH!

me: It's going to be another long night, isn't it?

Dr. Krog: You should really quit trying scientific experiments. You're not good at it. And you guys smell like cheese.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't have kids. Sometimes, it's great. Today, nobody vomited on (or even near) me.

Do you guys have a spare bedroom?

Caroline D. said...

oh no? do we still has plans tomorrow?

Anonymous said...

When you type "unruly helpmeet" into google, this is the first thing that comes up.

Congratulations!

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

I knew I'd be famous one day, but I didn't think it would be for vomit. Although that seems to work for some girls in Hollywood.

Lindsay said...

don't have high hopes on the goat. same protein.