Friday, September 11, 2009

a slice of heaven

You know what's a really smart idea?

Schedule minor outpatient surgery right during your baby's naptime and strap him into his stroller while they're operating. There's nothing a sleepy, hungry, angry baby likes better than sitting two feet away from you in a doctor's office while you can't touch him. And there's nothing the doctor and nurse like better than hearing him scream and watching him spew boogers like those Koopas in the clouds from Super Mario Brothers.

And then, instead of immediately grabbing him and comforting him, spend ten minutes ogling the nasty cyst they removed and asking if you can take it home to show your mother and husband. And then sigh dramatically and wish you had a camera phone. And then pick up the moist ball of miniature fury and nurse him on the table while you're not wearing pants. And then wipe the boogers off on your paper skirt.

Everyone likes that.

It was actually pretty funny. My laughter probably didn't help while they were doing the stabbing. And I was very impressed that they were able to shoot me, slice me, poke around, excise, cauterize, and sew me back up to the tune of banshee shrieks from hell and my barely contained cackling, because I always enjoy a good surgery.

And then my mom brought me souvlaki and Greek fries and tatziki from our favorite Greek restaurant and let me watch a month's worth of LA Ink On Demand while she watched TV with the Biscuit and Mr. Pissypants slept and slobbered in my lap.

It was a pretty good day. A little gross. But good.


Hillbilly Duhn said...

I'm not sure how I feel about that. LOL!

Confused, grossed out a little.

Stopping in from SITS, sharing in the Sharefest thinger.

Deb said...

I don't think I couldn't have done that.

Too much stress.

Glad you finally got to relax.

Visiting from SITS.

Sweet dreams.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

I'm totally mortified that that was the first post you guys read, as it's the grossest one ever in my blog. Bad timing on my part. Honestly, it's usually pretty tame around here.

Thanks for visiting!

Caroline D. said...

grody to the max, dude. i would have been screaming, too.

Freya said...

Oh, there have been grosser ones. Wait, did I type that out loud?

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

I assume you speak of chicken skin? Because I still stand by that post. Those posts. Anything I ever said about the deliciousness of crispy, greasy chicken skin. I stand by it. And gobble it.

Ash said...

I recently had to have a trans-vaginal ultrasound done, re-done, then go back two weeks later and do it again. all with a screaming sleepy hungry angry 9 month old in the stroller kicking the exam table. I swear that nurse stabbed me extra hard with the wand a few times! it.was.awesome

Anonymous said...

Ok. That's tough. And I'm impressed you brought the kid. Wow.