Tuesday, September 1, 2009

help! nurse?

Are you offended? Disgusted? Terrified? Nauseated?


You probably should be.

I'm nursing in public in that photograph.

That's right. My baby is suckling. Nursing. Breastfeeding. Guzzling milk. Havin' some nip. Chowin' down at the Areola Cafe.

And I'm not at all ashamed of it, nor should anyone be. I know there's a lot of discussion currently about the legal rights of the breastfeeding mother, and I have written four long paragraphs and deleted them right back out, because you probably know how I feel and would just get bored.

So I just wanted to quietly share a picture to show the uninitiated that nursing in public is no big deal. I do it everyday, from the mall to the doctor's office to the aisles of SuperTarget, and no one has ever said anything to me. You don't need a Hooter Hider or a giant baby sunhat. You don't have to hide under a blanket. You don't have to cower in the restroom at Buffalo's while some old lady makes a crapsplat next door.

It's no big deal. And if anybody gives you crap about it, use one of the following arguments:

1. My rights to breastfeed are provided under state law, and if you interfere with me feeding my child, I will call the police, the rabid lactivists, and the media.

2. How do you think Jesus ate, grandma? You think Mary had a can of Enfamil?

3. Quit lookin' at my squid eye, perv, or I'll squirt you with the Juice of Life.

11 comments:

Beth said...

Oh, my. Crapsplat, lactivist, and Juice of Life? I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Thanks.

faemom said...

Great Post! I love the pic. I'm so impressed with your breast feeding skills. Ok, I'm actually impressed with the sling. Those baffle me. I remember being in the mall with a baby Evan, and I passed a woman breast feeding her child, holding the baby as she walked, all exposed. My first thought was, Damn, I wish I knew how to breastfeed and walk.

lovenotestoself said...

Are you going to be doing that when the baby is four? Please say no. I'm pretty sure Mary weaned Jesus by then.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Four? Nope. 2 is my upper limit. The Biscuit weaned at 20 months, and it was very easy and natural.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Haha. Juice of life.

I'll have to use that.

Virginia Valerie said...

Awesome! I only hope someday I can be as cool as you!! Definitely saving the Jesus line for crazy biddies!

Southern Belle Mama said...

I completely agree! Our breasts have been objectified to the point of being seen mostly as "sexual." Nevermind the practical purpose of feeding our children...love your post!

laterg8r said...

i have a friend who actually squirted a dude who got too close - he was mortified but we couldn't stop laughing LOL :D

EttyOop said...

HOW DARE YOU NURSE YOUR BABY IN PUBLIC??? (note... that was meant to be filled with a sarcastic tone of voice. I am a regular "offender"... I get nasty at ppl who tell me to feed her in the bathroom or the car.)

Really, my main comment is in response to one of your comments: The Biscuit let you wean her easily at 20 months? You promise????? because as of now, I don't see Livvie ever weaning (she's 15 months). And it's scaring me a bit....

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Yup. She's a busy kid, and she was down to nursing twice a day-- naptime and bedtime. I went away for the weekend and left her with my mom. When I came home, she asked once, I distracted her, it was never mentioned again. And shestarted sleeping 12 hours a night. Mmmm.

Alicia Istanbul said...

Good for you! Just like you, I nursed Grace whenever she needed it regardless of where we were. And I never suffocated her under a blanket either. I always expected that someone would give me grief about it at some point, but happily, no one ever did. I nursed her until she was 24 months. The more people get used to seeing women nurse in public, the less taboo it will be. I wish there could be some law against nursing a baby in a public bathroom. Talk about disgusting.