Wednesday, September 9, 2009

godey, not grody

Dear Fashion Gods,

Can we please go back to corsets and bustles?

I'm so sick of today's fashion. So sick of shirts that expose bra pudge. So sick of pants that can't accommodate my bum. So sick of jeans that accentuate my lifelong pot belly. At first, I was mad at the pot belly, but it's been here since I was a child, so I'm starting to think that *I'm* not the problem.

It's fashion.

Because today's fashions, at least those that I can afford and that are functional for my lifestyle, don't look good on my body. I mean, I feel great naked. I feel comfortable and beautiful. But as soon as I put on clothes and start squirming in the mirror and frowning at 'problem zones', I wish I could just spend all day in a loosely tied sarong. Fashion is determined by a level of thinness that I have never been able to obtain, so I constantly feel off, strangled, squashed, or otherwise like a hamburger in a sausage casing.

So I'd like to go back to corsets, full skirts, bustles. Nip in the middle and show off a curvy rump and ample bosom. Wrestle my trouble spots down with environmentally correct stays (no whalebone, please) and yards and yards of fabric. Since I can't gad about naked, give me some sort of fashion that makes me feel proud and womanly when I'm out on the town.

So there's my call to (plump) arms. Give me nudity or give me corsetry! Death to muffin tops! We must, we must, we must control our busts!

Or at least find shirts that fall somewhere between a muumuu and a handkerchief.

(In case you're wondering, the illustration above is from Godey's Lady's Book, the leader in 1800's fashion.)


Wendy said...

I *looooove* my medieval gowns for SCA and reenactment events. They're so much more flattering (and comfortable, too) than modern clothing! I have a custom-tailored, 14th-century gothic fitted gown that, if you'll pardon my saying so, makes my hips and butt look AWESOME. Better than any jeans I've ever owned!

I hate coming back after a week at Pennsic and having to put modern clothes back on. Phooey on that...

miss. chief said...

i would be eternally happy if i could go around in vans slip-ons, boy cut undies and a t-shirt with NO BRA

it's my house outfit. woo!

charissimo said...

I absolutely could have written this entire post, that's how much I connect with it. Even down to the nudity part. Of course it wouldn't have been nearly as sassy or clever had I written it. So basically it would have been a really boring version of this post. I'm so glad we have you around to tell it like it is, D!

Jane said...

You are so right! I feel fine naked. It's when I start wrestling with clothes that I start to feel inadequate. Well written and so much fun to read!

Anonymous said...

But those fashions took forever to get on and take off. Then there's the breathing issue. I'm all about breathing. Let's stick to the surrong idea.