Thursday, August 20, 2009

14 impossibilities by lunchtime

Things I said today that I never thought I would have to say:

1. No using Force lightning on your brother.

2. Quit trying to throw your broken telescope into the ceiling fan.

3. Get your bottom out of that poor boy's face.

4. Snow White, get your hands off your girl parts.

5. Don't throw those black bananas away-- I can use those!

6. C'mere and let me get those boogers out of your eyes, dude.

7. Quit trying to put Cheerios up your nose.

8. But I don't want to read that book again. Can't we just watch a movie?*

9. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but please don't help me clean the kitchen.

10. Thank you so much for buying me a rug rake.

11. Honestly, could you crap more?? Or greener? YOU CRAP SO MUCH.

12. No, princesses never wear shoes in the house. And they always wear underpants.

13. Please hug your brother less. You're hurting him.

14. You're very nice, to nurse that bear. He must be a happy baby.

* Because I have a sore throat and don't like the book Ladybug Girl, especially not twice in a row.


Valerie said...

if i give your girl a cupcake belt, is she going to attack her brother with it? it has metal parts and it's totally returnable.

the cluelessly childless chick

Housewife Savant said...

#5, I've said So Much. I've had freezers full of black bananas. They're like slimy liquid gold to banana bread lovers.

#11 is killer.

Ash said...

nursing the bear makes me want to find this totally sick video I saw on GMA about a breastfeeding baby doll. Now, I'm totally pro-boob, but I don't see why a 6y/o girl should put little flowers on her shirt to make her baby doll nurse. It just seems... weird.

Motherhood Uncensored said...


My husband covets those. Instead, he just uses my son's play hammer.

OCD, much?


Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

I think I could make a list like this every damn day.

Yesterday I actually said, "NO ONE EVER DIED FROM LACK OF SNACK!!!"

Crunchy Carpets said...

LOL - here too. Add to that 'Please don't eat your sister, she doesn't like it' (when he is a velociraptor),
'Can you use your QUIET blasters please?'
And 'no I don't want to see your itchy 'gina/penis/bumhole, etc'

Michele said...

The first time I said, "stop trying to kill your brother" in a deadpan voice, I stopped in amazement.

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Cupcake belt? She would love it. She wouldn't use it to hold up her pants, though. She would find some new and outrageous use for it, like walking an invisible dinosaur.

Rug rake? My mom bought it for me online. I've been looking for one since my old one was stolen during a move in 2006, along with my bathrobe and a box of my underwear.

No one ever died from lack of snack-- that's going to be #15.

laterg8r said...

awesome list - i say stuff like this all the time. the weirdest is when i say stuff my mom used to say though. like,"if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"

Anonymous said...

That funny part is I have said many of the same phrases, only with my boy. I even said number one about his doll, but it went like this, "You're feeding the baby! Good job. Let's go to the store and buy a bottle before your daddy sees this and freaks."

Jane said...

I laughed outloud at this list! And I say #9 pretty frequently to my 5 yr. old. To which my 16 yr. old rolls her eyes and says, "Sure wish you'd say that to ME more often!" Thanks for the giggle!