Wednesday, June 10, 2009

master shredder

First, let's get several things straight.

1. Whatever Jillian says up there is a LIE, a dirty LIE.

2. I know that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fought *with* Master Splinter and *against* Shredder, but I think the post title really covers all my bases.

3. It is not my fault that I bought Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. You can ask Robert Cialdini. I'm just a victim of hope and good marketing. Click, whirr, baby.

4. You haven't read Cialdini's book, Influence? Oh, honey, you must. It's a brilliant treatise on the psychology of persuasion that will forever change how you respond to marketing. And telemarketers. Oh, you'll learn to have fun with them. Put down Breaking Dawn and get thee to a bookstore!

5. Yes, i'm married to a psychologist. Why do you ask?


Here's me after Jillian kicked my ass today:

Just looking at the picture makes me tired.

See, it happened like this. My buddy Carrie twinked to this blog, and I followed her link to this blog, which convinced me that I wanted to be shredded. After all, the universe has arrayed against me and placed t.rex's naps at the only two times of day I can Jazzercise. So I need shreddification.

Therefore, I went to Target and purchased the DVD for $14.99, even though it's only $8.99 on Amazon, because I wanted to shred TODAY, because I am an American and I want my miracle cures NOW, thank you very much. And then I slapped it on the ol' laptop and began shredderizing.

The Biscuit did a little shredding next to me, which was only mildly annoying, because it wasn't even exercise for her. A minute of jumping jacks? Hurray!

And then, after 20 minutes of her cardio-strength-abs circuit, I was toast. Sweaty, stinky, hair undone, arms and legs of pudding. Like this.

Mmm. Ladylike.

And then, inspired by a post by a favorite blogger, I decided to go for extra bonus pain points and make a green smoothie. Nectarines, banana, strawberries, kale, spinach, and orange juice.

Please, stop drooling on the keyboard. It really did taste as good as it looked. Even the Biscuit wouldn't eat it, and she would usually give a headband for a blender, which is her word for smoovie, which is how she says "smoothie".

Man, i'm so healthy today it hurts!

Day 1 of the 30-Day Shred: CHECK!

Will I love Jillian or hate her by July?

I'm guessing both.


Jill said...

Man it seems like everyone is doing either the shred or PX90.
The smoothie would be good if you switched kale and spinach for rum and more rum.

Dog killer said...

So that's where real sweet tea comes from.

Spotted Sparrow said...

You are a far braver woman than I for posting post-workout pics. The consumer gods made me buy the Wii Active last month which is thoroughly kicking my ass. Jill is on to something with the rum...

Dorkys Ramos said...

Yikes, sounds intense. No thank you! Visiting from SITS and I love your photo comments!

carma said...

You are way hotter than Jillian. Don't take any crap from her!!

Tried one of those green shakes - the one that Dr. Oz makes -blech

That was some urgent shredding. If I knew it was 8.99 on Amazon, I'd have to wait the three days. No wonder I can't decide what to do about the costume!

Beth said...

Thanks a lot. Because of you I am $75 poorer. I ordered the Shredder off Amazon (because I would like to put off working out another week)... but then I added 3 different kiddy pool float devices because I couldn't decide which one would work best.

Jillian totally annoys me, but she has a rockin' bod, so maybe her magical workout will iron out my rolls... motherhood has made me fat.

faemom said...

Depends how you look.

BOSSY said...

See? Tasted good, right? Bossy loves those things. Or, um, loved. AFter five in a row, Bossy was a little blechk.