WBINTWA = What Blossom Is Not To Wear Anymore, because Mayim Bialik was the newest tortured plaything of What Not To Wear's Dynamic Duo of Dshopping for Dfashionable Dclothes.
To catch you up to speed, Mayim Bialik was America's darling as TVs "Blossom" in the early 1990's. She was a quirky girl who did spastic dances while wearing sassy, colorful, often mismatched clothing, and she had a penchant for ridiculous hats riddled with ridiculous flowers. That photo up there pretty much says it all.
When her TV career drew to a close, Mayim did what every other popular TV actress did-- she went to college, got married to a pudgy guy, and earned her PhD in Neuroscience with a minor in Hebrew Studies.
Then she had two children and was photographed in public like this:
Needless to say, I feel a kinship with the girl.
And that's why I'm so very upset to have missed the last 30 minutes of the episode. I want to know if her style is better than Blossom's. And since she doesn't wear pants or leather, I'm curious if anyone suggested leather pants. And I have no earthly idea what outfits she chose, how Nick did her hair, whether she cried when he did his patented "here's your pony tail, hippie, now CRY" trick, and how Carmindy made her gorgeous by putting makeup all over her bony little hands and then applying it to someone else's lips.
I just get creeped out when she does that. I mean, what if she recently did makeup for Tommy Lee or Kid Rock and transferred some leper juice?
In any case, i'm assuming it went something like this.
She looks like Colonel Mustard's niece, Dijon von Houndstooth.
Just kidding. That's Joey Lawrence, who played Blossom's brother. Remember when cute guys on TV weren't shaved, tanned, plucked, and six-packed? And they actually had scraggledy waggledy chest hair and wore necklaces made of soda pop tops?
Those were the good old days.
As i'm seriously unable to find a single "After" shot of Mayim's makeover, i'm going to have to hope for the best and keep my eyes on the DVR prize. I think I know exactly how she felt, watching two weeks' worth of footage of her frump. Every defense she made of her style-- i've made it, too. I only wear shirts that are nursing accessible and tummy defensible. I wear pants that disguise my reconfiguring middle. I wear the same shoes every day because they slip on without requiring hands. I generally have a 20 pound person strapped to my chest, shielding whatever i'm wearing from too much scrutiny.
Mayim, you're my new TV best friend. Let's put on our Ergos and grab some chai, and you can tell me all about how you secretly hope your kids will wear lots of funny hats.