I'm going to make it quick, because I am exhausted.
But, seriously, how many kids' toys look like genitalia?
Surely the designers are aware of this epidemic.
And don't even get me started on popsicles.
First of all, we have a new toy passed down from some wonderful friends. We call it "Whack-a-Noonie", because our family has replaced horrible epithets with the phrase "Noonie Birds".
As in, "That noonie bird can't drive worth a noonie!"
As in, "Should I worry that my child likes this toy so much?"
She runs around, smacking the poor little... things... and hollering WHACKANOONIE-WHACKANOONIE-WHACKANOONIE!!!
And they... um... they pop in and out of holes. In a bed.
It's so blatant that I felt dirty trying to put my usual words and scraggly arrows on there.
And then we have our favorite kids' flatware from Ikea.
I know it's not quite as bad... but why on earth does a spoon need testicles?
Does it impregnate whisks while I sleep? Does it enjoy spooning out the yogurt a leeeetle too much? Can I honestly watch my child eat with this spoon tomorrow, after sharing these thoughts with you?
I'm just sayin'.