Thursday, May 28, 2009
in soviet russia, shark jumps you!
I hereby offer you a list of things that have officially jumped my mental Jaws.
Katie Holmes. Ugg boots. Clever Twilight shirts, especially ones that include the word "Team". Swine flu. Coach bags, especially ones covered in C and made of plastic. High-heeled ankle booties. Any fashion phrase that includes "is the new black". Tube tops.
The fact that organic fruit and vegetables are prohibitively expensive yet normal fruits and vegetables are frankenplants that will give my great-grandkids gallbladder cancer. Grocery store cashiers or baggers who refuse to bag my groceries because I bring reusable bags. The fact that it costs $150 to adopt an adult cat from the Humane Society. The fact that cat food companies want us to believe that cats need cranberries and alfalfa in their diets.
Madonna's arms. Mischa Barton's cellulite. Angelina Jolie's anything. Lady GaGa's existence. Those Jon and Kate people and the fact that America is surprised that fame and nagging are tearing them apart. The fact that my grandmother watches news just to hear about Kaylee Anthony, even though everybody knows she's dead and her mom did it.
Rising health care costs. The utter lameness of all forms of birth control. Getting older. Finding jeans that fit. This year's collection of sandals, which are modeled after either gladiators or Pocahontas. The Notebook. Yes, it's old, and it still bothers me. Figuring out what to do with all the leaves that fall in autumn. Credit card companies. Trash companies. Blogs with hundred of followers that are utterly boring, poorly written, or both. Dooce. How smug Colonel Sanders looks.
Traffic. Cars so small that I can't see them in my mirrors. Cars so big that they can't park. People texting while they drive. The term "sexting". How hard it is to lose weight. How many calories are in brownies. Consumer debt. War. The bias and lameness of cnn.com. Leg shaving. Hot weather. The fact that every time a LOLcat makes me LOL, my first thought is, "I could have come up with that."
I love blogging.
Jump higher, Katie-- you're gonna lose your Uggs!