Wednesday, May 20, 2009

i'm serious about the killer bees

I fear things, but I often fear all the wrong things.

I'd rather handle venomous snakes than drive on certain highways. I'd rather eat raw eggs than introduce myself to a stranger. I still have a lurking fear of killer bees, thanks to an 8th grade research paper.

Seriously, just you wait. They're making their way up here like yellow-striped furry beach balls with machetes for butts.

And now, thanks to Facebook links, i've got two new fears: GMOs and bra underwires.

Take those innocent little muffins up there. I made them a) to feed to a pregnant friend, b) to feed to my toddler, and c) to use up food before the fridge officially died. And they're chock full of healthy ingredients, from steel cut oats to flaxseed to whole pumpkin and loads of spices. Yes, they're iced with a spontaneous mixture of powdered sugar, butter, and granulated sugar, but that wasn't for me. That was for Christine. Honest.

But today, after reading that article on GMOs, here is how I see them:

They're like tiny little spicy time bombs.

Which is great for my diet.

But it just makes me wonder what the future is going to look like, when you can't even trust an apple. An innocent, red apple. Because I adore apples, and I have to admit that the regular ones taste so much better than organic. Crunchier, sweeter, bigger. And full of pesticides and killer bee eggs and heaven only knows what else.

On the other hand, when I went to shuck an ear of corn today and found worms/maggots/aliens crawling around under the husk, I suppose I knew that there weren't too many pesticides involved.

Death or bugs? Not my favorite trade.

And so, to soothe myself of my fears that I gave myself gallbladder cancer by eating a box of Jolly Green Giant frozen vegetables for dinner, I'm going to go watch the Rhymenoceros vs. Hiphopopotamus video for the third time today, because it's totally stuck in my head, and i'm fairly sure it doesn't cause cancer.

Hey! Ho!


Lynn said...

On the theme of apples, but also non-cancerous there's this:

Or this one about how scary the future might be:

Ahhhh, that's better. I too freak out about all the scary things you hear about (to the point of sleeplessness) so distraction is a beautiful thing.

stinestrain said...

seriuosly, don't believe anything you read on unless you can source it on a more reputable site.

I don't want to name call, but you know that sound a duck makes? that is that guy... ;)

those pumpkin mini chemical bombs ruled, too. I ate them all except the ones catie licked the frosting off of. and I cursed your pregnant neighborhood friends for being smaller than me.

Virginia Valerie said...

i <3 Bret + Jemaine.

Also, if underwires cause cancer, that's just a risk i'm gonna have to live with...

Anonymous said...

I'm with Christine on beware...

- Dr. Krog

charissimo said...

Did Steve tell you that perchance?


Anonymous said...

Much to the embarrassment of my genius/artist child,I have shunned bras since 1969. She demanded I wear one for her wedding (of course, I complied)...that was the last time I wore one of those cancer-causing, lymph-node-swelling, obviously-designed-by-men boob-prisons. I have always contended that they are unnatural as well as unhealthy. My sweet Delilah found an article online that *proved* my mantra, and I responded, "I win!". Although my bra size, if measured, would probably be 42 extra-long, the girls & I will continue to be hangin' loose!!

Anonymous said...

I hope I didn't embarrass you too much, Daughter

Caroline D. said...

there isn't much that Flight of the Conchords can't fix.

those spice bombs look pretty delicious from here. you know, where they can't kill me.