Sunday, April 5, 2009

the HUZZAH awards

When you research how to get more blog traffic, one of the #1 tips is to win an award.

I think that's entirely lame. If you're small, you're not going to get an award, because the awards haven't heard of you. If you're big and have awards, and even *know* about awards, you don't need to be Googling "get blog traffic" at 2am while eating your Oatey Bites because you're too busy being big and important and taking a naked money bath and wearing mink coats from the Beef Council. Catch-22 ahoy!

So then I researched blog awards, which are basically huge or lame. Some places have come up with viral blog awards in which you simply give the "award" to 5 blogs you like, then they give them to 5 blogs they like, ad nauseum. More of a chain letter than an award, in my book, although i'd still be proud if I got one, because i'm vain like that. But that's a lot of work, and i'd rather put my time into Photoshopping pictures of my Chia plants, battling teh intarwebz with metaphysical lacrosse sticks, or painting free paintings.

I have therefore made my own award for blogs I like. I present you with the HUZZAH award.

1. Huge, Beautiful, and Entertaining Blog That's Actually A Sell-Out But I Still Love It and Am Envious of The Mad Bank and Photography

2. Big Blogger Who Actually Returned My Emails and Was Super Cool and May One Day Feature My Blog, Oh, Please God

3. Fascinating Blog of Amazing Bentos and Actually Edible Vegan Food Recipes
A mom friend with another 08/06 baby, she does amazing things with Pokemon made of rice and beets.

4. Always Cracks Me Up. Just the Title Cracks Me Up, Even.

5. I Just Found This Blog, But I Think We're Going to Get Along

I'm far too shy to ever contact these people and tell them that I gave them an imaginary award consisting of a small badge of my thumb I made in Photoshop, but maybe the karma will hit them. Like, maybe a cupcake will randomly appear in their cupboard, or they'll buy a really good pineapple for $1.99, or the florist will accidentally deliver a small bouquet and be too lazy to pick it back up, which actually happened to me once.

In any case, I like to tell you about things I like. I also like every blog listed in my blogfriends or links, because no one is paying me to like anything, so I get to be picky.

I think it's kind of cruel that a studious or athletic kid wins all sorts of awards. My parents' closet is crammed with Attendance Awards and softball trophies and this outrageously hideous medal they gave me for Valedictorianism in high school. But as an adult, I haven't won an award since 2003.

Totally lame. I was more successful as a kid than I am as an adult. At least, on paper.

On the other hand, I can give out all the HUZZAH awards I want! I can spend them like pesos! I could print them out and roll around in them, or make them into stickers and slap them onto people and chai lattes and funny hats in department stores. I can spread the imaginary goodness in any crazy-person way I wish.

Ain't the internet beautiful, folks?


Madame Meow said...

I can tell we're going to get along as well ;o) Thank you for the honor!

Darren Sproat said...

Love the concept... and may I say, one big Huzzah nomination to your blog! ;)


jarvenpa said...

Okay, you get the top secret Most Famous Artist who Sends Giraffes to Far Places award.

I will only give it to you. Ever.

I can't do photoshop. But you are an artist. This is a famous do it yourself award.

You may add peacocks at random. Also rhinos, or any other odd thing.

Caroline D. said...

um, yeah. I love your blog. seriously.

Laura said...

you also get your blog read when bright caroline sends you over for a visit. (had no idea she was even seeing other bloggers. I am a little hurt and feeling sort of dirty and used)

veganf said...

Now I need to go bake're mailbox is looong overdue for some surprise cupcakes! Thanks for the award!!!

Cathy from said...

You made me laugh. Thanks! Ill be back for more humor!

meredith of NSTGD said...

AHHH!!! I *never* win awards! With the small exception of a literary award when I was in 2nd grade for a poem I wrote about the color clear. Anyhow, many thank-yous.

O.Shane Balloun said...

You should license the HUZZAH award. I'm not actually joking.

Mr. Superface said...

The #5 blog recommended a really terrible, lame bar. It's 3 blocks from my house and I'll never go back there. Expensive and pretentious.

Also, this is my favorite Johnny Cash song: