Monday, April 6, 2009
the eggpire strikes back
That's right, dear friends... prepare for a an Easter/Star Wars crossover post, full of horrible puns and references to our family's favorite dork-fest. Because never forget that we are HUGE dorks.
Which is why we whooped with glee when we found this in the Easter aisle at SuperTarget:
Don't ask about the fish lips.
I said, "Make a cute face!", and that's just what she did. Perhaps Tie Fighters made of Easter Eggs make the child feel constipated. Who knows?
Anyway, the first step on our adventure in a gal-egg-cy far, far away was to boil the eggs, which is nice, because:
Except one busted, so I suppose I did, technically, ruin an egg. But there were 11 more, and 11 is one of my favorite numbers, so that was fine.
The next step was to measure out the water and vinegar and pop in the fancy little coloring tabs, which look just like delicious chewable vitamins. Seriously, who makes this stuff? Why not print "EAT ME" on them, too? Even *I* wanted to eat them!
Ahem. And then we taught the Biscuit how to dip eggs.
It was awesome. We were all dippin' the eggs, getting our fingers permanently stained, making horrible puns from Yoda quotes.
As you might expect, the Biscuit was not particularly patient. She wanted more doing and less waiting. She has much to learn from Master Yoda, who, as you know, is our resident house monster. A little bit more green dye, and she would look like him, too.
At first, Biscuit's favorite color was pink, which wasn't just pink, it was PINK. Or maybe PINK!!! would sum it up best. It hurt. But she loved it, bless her girly little heart.
She's only girly for shoes and the color pink, but we're monitoring her carefully, just like she's monitoring this egg:
Then we introduced her to purple.
Oh, did Biscuit ever love that.
Here she is, begging Dr. Crog to let her drop that shiny blue egg into the pink dye. Just like all the other shiny blue eggs. But who's complaining? I knew kids in 12th grade who couldn't mix colors without a color wheel and written directions, so let her make violet, Violet.
And make violet she did. Here's a comparison picture:
Oh, and while all this madness was occurring, t.rex was keeping a tight eye on quality control:
The last step, of course, was to apply the Star Wars stickers. Which were very kid-friendly, considering they showed the Emperor killing someone and Princess Leia working as Jabba's sexy slave girl in her brass bikini.
This was the best egg dying kit ever, aside from the Egg Wraps, which totally did not work and made Dr. Crog demand that I take my two impatient kids to the Customer Service line at Target, hand them a soggy, dye-colored, empty box, and demand my money back.
I find his lack of faith in egg dye disturbing.
Once all the eggs had been dyed, half the stickers had been lost or stuck on my kitchen table, and t.rex had collapsed in upon himself like an angry sarlaac, we offered the Biscuit an egg.
A purple egg.
She looked at us with great suspicion and attempted to crack it, then was quite surprised when goop did not splatter everywhere. Then she figured out how a boiled egg works and ate the entire thing while Dr. Crog and I tried not to barf.
Because, much like a dead tauntaun, they smell even worse on the inside than on the outside, which already smells pretty stanky.
I really appreciate that the joy of dyeing Easter eggs remains pretty much unchanged from my childhood, except it's even better, because now it's endorsed by Star Wars.
Now we just need a Darth Vader helmet with bunny ears, and we'll be 100% set.