Monday, April 13, 2009
able was i ere i ate elba
Today I wanted to blog about something innocent and amusing and completely without any sort of debate whatsoever.
So I staged a war.
A battle, really. An epic battle. An Easter battle.
First, there are the British:
Leave Frodo alone. His mum really liked Lord of the Rings.
Then we have the Germans, who are Confused Germans, because I don't know much about Germanic culture. But I know these fancy bunnies are made of really expensive German chocolate, so I did the best I could.
They keep Giuseppe around because he makes really good spaghetti. I mean, a-spaghetti!
So they are having this battle. See?
That's German for "don't be a spoilsport", apparently. At least, that's what Google said.
Oh, my, what an epic, epic battle!
But the Germans have something up their lederhosen. Something evil.
It's evil chocolate!
The British are undeterred. They have flags. And they also have a little secret weapon of their own.
Will the Squiggles Gambit work, or will they all be blown to smithereens?
Like last time. Poor Baron von Long Earsenstein.
It's an enraged Baby Binks vs. the Squiggles Gambit.
Both sides are ready to fight to the death.
They get closer and closer, leaving sugar and brown smudges and tiny chocolate bunny poos in their wake.
The war is ended by the classic deux ex machina. God in the machine.
Which is me, getting bored and snacky.
So I ate all the British. Including Frodo and *both* Clives.
They were the only candy that didn't contain dairy.
I guess the Germans win by default. And they can adopt Squiggles and put out the flame on his bomb and live happily on my dining room table until the next day I welcome myself back into dairy's mucusy fold.
So long, Brits! Talley ho!
Aside from random baby pictures, that's about as uncontroversial as a post can get.
Unless i've offended Germans and the British.
Like i'm scared of the British. Bring it on, suckers!