I pierced my nose today. I thought you should know.
Remember when I was 18 and decided to get my first tattoo? We watched those freaky kids on Oprah, with their fluorescent hair and facial piercings, and I said, "Would you love me if I did something weird like that?" And you assured me that you would. And I got drunk on Boone's Farm, went to the sleaziest biker bar I could find, and got that tattoo of Garfield and Tweety Bird playing miniature golf on the inside of my thigh.
Three tattoos and 12 years later*, and i'm glad to know that my parents and grandparents still speak to me. I'm an upstanding member of the community, a wife, a mom. And I went to a tattoo parlor today and had a needle put through my nose, followed by what they call a "nostril screw"**.
Sounds painful, doesn't it? Just the term "nostril screw". Euphemistically or regularly, it's just not an attractive term.
It was very educational and entertaining, and it didn't even hurt that much. I now have a tiny, 18 gauge surgical steel thingie with a tiny little greenish jewel through my right nostril. It's a little bit red around the edges, but nothing big. I was also told that I have "a really tiny nose". And now it feels like I have a giant booger. Right there. And i'm not allowed to touch it, not ever. Which is really, really hard.
So, Mom, please tell Dad not to flick me in the nose. Because he'll want to. I know he'll make fun of me for the next couple of years. At least. And, as usual, i'm okay with that.
But please don't tell Mimi that I went to a tattoo parlor on Sunday, okay?
* Better than 3 years and 12 tattoos, am I right?
** Did you know that they make black latex gloves? But only for the truly bada$$. I don't think that hamster vets or beauticians get to wear them. Just tattoo artists and piercers and Doberman groomers.