Wednesday, March 4, 2009

it takes $40 to make me holla

TJ Maxx, $3, w00t.

I can tell you the price of everything I own, and where and when I bought it on sale.

But i'm not going to, because you'll get really bored and go tell your friends what a tooly frug I am, if "frug" is definied as a smug, frugal person. I just flat out don't like paying full price for anything. Ever. Where's the magic? Where's the hunt?

See that photo above? That's $45, almost exactly, if you add in the $5 at the post office. My husband handed me $78 this morning, and I decided to use it as a force for good. Which is obviously why I bought a set of metal antelope horns.

They were only $3 at TJ Maxx. Can you believe that? If I ripped the horns off and painted on the board it would be worth $3. The outfit for the Biscuit was also $3 and should fit riiiiight around 2011. And the hair dye stuff is part of my ongoing Look More Put-Together, Dammit! Project. And shoes... obviously. Now I have 3 pairs!

I'm saving the remaining $33 for my nose piercing.

I tried to think of the most humorous things I could purchase with my minor cash windfall, besides a pierced nose. Tickets to a Green Day concert. A large rabbit. A U2 box set. A Shamwow. An autographed photo of Bruce Campbell, plus shipping. 1/4 of an autographed photo of Snoop Dogg.

"Dr. Crog, what's the funniest thing I could buy with this cash?" I asked him this morning.
"I don't know. That camera phone you want," he responded.

I don't see how that's funny.

In my childless years, when I had a hormonal fluctuation or a bad day, I would take my troubles and checkbook to Drug Emporium and spend 4 hours choosing $12 worth of products. Dr. Crog called it "a putter". I would smell every shampoo in the store and read every ingredient in every lotion. I would find a new shade of nail polish on sale or pick out some hair doodad that I never used because my beautiful hair was constantly in a librarian bun and full of paint and pickle. And my soul and skin were soothed.

Today was as close as I get to my fond days of puttering, when $12 could make me feel like a new woman. It always amuses me to think of how far money will go-- $30 could be a new outfit, one pair of shoes, a family dinner at the pizza place, a date at the movies, 3 months of Netflix, a mid-week trip to the grocery store, 60 rolls of toilet paper, 4 drinks at a bar, a cheap haircut, a Big Wheel, a box of Huggies, 5 bars of really nice soap, or a genital piercing. All for the same two floppy green pieces of paper.

And, in the spirit of everyone's favorite credit card commercial:

Trip to Sally Beauty Supply for hair dye: $15
Trip to the Post Office to mail packages to friends: $5
Trip to TJ Maxx for treasure hunting: $25
Getting home and watching your daughter read to your son as he smiles in the sunshine and knowing that you get to wear new shoes tomorrow: PRICELESS.

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