Friday, March 20, 2009

spice, spice, baby

I read the rampaging Facebook link about Victory Gardens, and thought, "I should totally do that!"

Then I remembered my black thumb and current lack of spare time and memory and realized that a Victory Garden, in my uncapable hands, would become more of a Weed Pit of Defeat.

So I did the next best thing-- I purchased a Gourmet Chia HERB GARDEN for "Fresh Herbs at your fingertips year 'round." With text formatting like that, it's GOT to be good!

It was the Scooby Doo Chia Head that originally got my attention, but the thought of delectable, fresh herbs grown in my own kitchen "year 'round" for $11 was just too enticing to pass up. I've been enjoying the dried kitchen seasonings from our wedding spice rack for the past 7 years, but I hear that fresh herbs actually taste like something, which could only help my sub-par cooking.

And I also like singing CH-CH-CH-CHIA!!! like it was a late-night 1980's Christmas infomercial, much to the delight of my toddler.

Here's how it works. You slice open your bag of little brown soil packets, which look suspiciously like chocolate cupcakes.

But they don't taste at all like chocolate cupcakes.

Don't ask me how I know.

You then soak the little thingies in water, stuff them in the included pots, sprinkle on seeds, cover with ziploc bags, put them on top of your fridge, and wait for germination.

How could that be easier?

And did you know that the seeds all look like dead bugs? Squick.

They provide 6 packets of seeds and only 4 sets of pots, and then they force you to choose which 4 of the 6 herbs you will grow. How cruel is that? How much is it going to set back the Chia folk to give you 2 more terra cotta pots? They cost, like, 75 cents each!

And personally, I expect nothing but the best from the fine people of Chia.

But it's only four... so... suck it, cilantro and sweet marjoram!

I chose dill, chives, parsley, and sweet basil. Sweet, sweet basil.

There they are, all lined up on the windowsill, where they will eventually grow. But for some reason, Chia recommends sprouting them on top of the refrigerator, so that's where they really sit. But that doesn't make a very pretty picture, does it? Not like this one, which I love.

And i'd love it even more if you could remove the drain stopper, take off the ziploc bags, and just focus on the outrageously beautiful tree outside.

We may have bought this house just so we could own that tree. I'm not telling.

Until the little herbs germinate, and i'm not holding my breath, we also get to enjoy the included advertisement. Click on the pic for a close-up for maximum amusement. Please ignore the random oat and stray hair on the counter. Postpartum hair loss is a travesty.

That's right. You see several Chia plants, Chia cat insanity grass, The Clapper, The Clapper PLUS, and The Ov Glove, which can withstand heat up to 540 degrees! So, you know, go out and find a forge or a kiln and just go crazy. With the Ov Glove, it's okay!

I'll let you know how my Gourmet Chia HERB GARDEN turns out.

Oh, and please remind me to water it every couple of weeks. I'm likely to forget.


jarvenpa said...

The refrigerator is recommended because, contrary to reasonable expectations, the top of the refrigerator stays warm. From the motor or whatnot. So the little seeds are coddled into thinking life is easy, and come out to see.
You should get two more pots (or get a nice milk cartoon or two, or an old yogurt container) to plant your marjoram and cilantro. Great herbs. Plus I think marjoram figures in love spells.
Not of course that you and Doc Krog need such.

Jenny said...

Not to discourage, but I bought that for my mom one year and I don't think any of it grew. Now I'm off to start my Homer chia head I got for Christmas...

Jennifer said...

I hope they grow for you. I have such a black thumb too. OTOH, I have one of those OV Glove thingies and as crazy as it sounds I can reach into the oven and grab hot pans and not get burned.