Monday, March 30, 2009
Would anyone out there like to take my money in return for sanitation services?
I understand that there are several companies in place to perform this very service, but I can't freakin' find 'em.
Here's the scoop:
1. Our current company
me: Hi, i'd like to know why my bill went up $6? I haven't been late or received a letter or anything...
her: Oh, you had your one year anniversary, so the fee went up.
me: Wait, so you're charging me MORE for staying with your company? Like, you're punishing me for my loyalty?
her: No! Of course it's not a punishment! Your rate just goes up.
me: How is that not a punishment?
2. Company B
me: Hi, I saw one of your trash cans in my neighborhood and would like to hear your rates.
her: We don't provide service to your street.
me: But I can see a trash can with your name and number on it from my door.
her: We service your neighborhood. Just not your particular street.
me: That makes sense. Garbage trucks can't drive 20 feet further.
3. Company C, Company D, and Company E
recording: Thanks for calling. We're open Monday through Friday from 9am to 5pm, and even though it's 3:26, we're not answering the phone. Ever. This bodes well for our customer service.
4. Company F
me: Is this Company F Sanitation?
me: So... do you guys provide sanitation services?
me: You might want to alert the Yellow Pages about that.
5. Company G
me: Hi, i'd like to hear your rates.
her: Our rates are twice what you're currently paying and five times what you currently pay if you want recycling.
me: Really? Because that's insane.
her: Really. Can I get your credit card number and social?
me: Are you by any chance in Nigeria?
And *then* I had to call my insurance company.
Luckily, Dr. Crog has procured a delicious supper for me, and I know it will be good, because it is made out of chicken.