Monday, March 30, 2009

feelin' trashy

Would anyone out there like to take my money in return for sanitation services?

I understand that there are several companies in place to perform this very service, but I can't freakin' find 'em.

Here's the scoop:

1. Our current company
me: Hi, i'd like to know why my bill went up $6? I haven't been late or received a letter or anything...
her: Oh, you had your one year anniversary, so the fee went up.
me: Wait, so you're charging me MORE for staying with your company? Like, you're punishing me for my loyalty?
her: No! Of course it's not a punishment! Your rate just goes up.
me: How is that not a punishment?

2. Company B
me: Hi, I saw one of your trash cans in my neighborhood and would like to hear your rates.
her: We don't provide service to your street.
me: But I can see a trash can with your name and number on it from my door.
her: We service your neighborhood. Just not your particular street.
me: That makes sense. Garbage trucks can't drive 20 feet further.

3. Company C, Company D, and Company E
recording: Thanks for calling. We're open Monday through Friday from 9am to 5pm, and even though it's 3:26, we're not answering the phone. Ever. This bodes well for our customer service.

4. Company F
him: Yeah?
me: Is this Company F Sanitation?
him: Yeah.
me: So... do you guys provide sanitation services?
him: No.
me: You might want to alert the Yellow Pages about that.

5. Company G
me: Hi, i'd like to hear your rates.
her: Our rates are twice what you're currently paying and five times what you currently pay if you want recycling.
me: Really? Because that's insane.
her: Really. Can I get your credit card number and social?
me: Are you by any chance in Nigeria?

And *then* I had to call my insurance company.

Luckily, Dr. Crog has procured a delicious supper for me, and I know it will be good, because it is made out of chicken.


Virginia Valerie said...

loved this post, btw. Especially the picture.

Wino Willie said...

This post reminds me of Gene Weingarten.