I learned a very valuable lesson in parenting today.
Do not do the following. Ever.
1. Give your child a sippy cup of milk and a box of raisins to enjoy in her car seat.
2. Five minutes later, when she requests something different to eat, hand her a mozzarella cheese stick.
3. Five minutes later, when she requests something different to eat, "Maybe a apple cookie?", get quite annoyed, and tell her she can't have a freakin' apple cookie until she eats the freakin' cheese stick you just freakin' gave her.
4. Watch in the rear view mirror, horrified, as the child attempts to cram an entire cheese stick into a mouth already crammed with raisins.
5. Start shrieking, "No! NO! Spit that out! Take the cheese out of your mouth! STOP! STOP DEEP THROATING THAT CHEESE, CHILD!!!"
6. Watch, terrified and disgusted, as the child vomits up half a cheesestick, half a box of raisins, a cup of whole milk, and a bellyfull of stomach acid all over herself and her car seat.
7. Pull over to mop the barf-covered child off and undress her as she picks up a book and starts singing a song about what the Daddies on the bus say, having already forgotten her first puke. Try not to think about how it looks like raisin-studded bread pudding.
8. Begin driving your hideously stinky car again as the now perky child says, "Can I have something to eat, please?" and do your best not to scream.