Dear Dr. Crog,
Apparently, I owe you an apology.
In my dream last night, I stole your motorcycle for some big surprise, and I hid it in a field, and then I lost it. Even though I kept saying, "But it was a surprise!!", you were still really angry. Even when my childhood friend Letha gave you the entire set of Cabbage Patch Kid/Hungry Hungry Hippo crossover dolls in original packaging, you didn't forgive me. You looked so sad at that big party we held in our electricity-less cabin, wearing your purple and black glittery alligator skin tuxedo. I still can't believe 200 people fit in our living room. And after I went away with Jeanie to the Elite Pregnant Girls' School, you wouldn't send me a postcard, even after I wrote a song for you on a pink guitar.
So, sorry about that.