So i'm supposedly 38 weeks and 4 days along, although it's iffy. Doctors count the "average" pregnancy as 40 weeks, although the actual average is more like 41 weeks 1 day. Many doctors will let you go up to 42 weeks, although most prefer to induce between 41 and 42. After 42, according to the statistics, it gets dangerous for all concerned. Blah blah blah.
I'm done. I look done. I definitely feel done. I am like a turkey with that little thing popped out of it.
And here is what my beloved midwife said when she walked in the room today for my weekly appointment, because they make you show up once a week to be sure you haven't exploded or gone postal.
Midwife: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HAVE THAT BABY!
Me: I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! I WANT TO HAVE THE BABY!
Midwife: Well, there's not much I can do about it. You're ready. Go eat some Scalini's eggplant parm and have lots of nookie.
Me: That sounds horrific. Isn't there something else you or I can do?
Midwife: Sorry, honey. It's up to you. I just catch 'em.
That's so much better than some dude in a white coat making me undress in a cold room and putting me in the most uncomfortable situation possible outside of the back of a Volkswagon, then threatening me with induction or surgery if I don't go into labor before Thanksgiving and/or his next golf game.
God bless the midwives!